Drabble: Completion of Remus Lupin

[ceredwensirius]

Title: Completion of Remus Lupin
Author: ceredwensirius
Word Count: 295
Characters, Pairing: Remus, Sirius, Remus\Sirius
Rating: NC17
Summary: James was an unwitting witness...now what?
Disclamer: Characters are not mine
Author's Notes: This was posted previously under a different user name however this author was me. This is my first slashy anything and like with all things new, I'm nervous about it.


A long, careful swipe of tongue licks pearly salt from the tip of his hardness which he still only tentatively presents. Remus can't quite believe this is happening, despite the fact that this has been on going for a couple of weeks now. Sirius drops his playful demeanor behind the close of curtain and is an earnest, heated lover. Uncertainty never plays a role.

The velvety fire of Sirius' mouth envelops him, seeming to want to swallow him whole. The dark head at his waist bobs and Remus feels the rush and flare of heat in his face. This is followed by a wet smacking sound as Sirius pulls away to speak.

"That turned you on, didn't it?" asks Sirius. His breath warms the tip of Remus' cock.

"What?" replies Remus, dazed, hard and not really up for conversation. Damn Sirius and his teasing.

"When you realized James was watching, I was rubbing you. You twitched. You only do that when you like something." Sirius puts his mouth back on him, and he's being slow about it.

Remus can only groan a sort of soft, pleasured sigh but he knows Sirius is waiting for an answer. He can feel those pale eyes burning into him.

"I think you want to be watched," says Sirius, pausing again.

And then it's not Sirius' mouth but his hand, pulling and squeezing perfectly; just how Remus likes.

"What if we hadn't noticed, what if I had sucked you off right there with James watching?"

Remus comes then, at the very thought of it, painting Sirius' neck and chest in hot, thick ropes of white. He glances down at Sirius who is smirking at him with that maddening grin.

"Oh, shut up," says Remus, before collapsing back against the bed.

Comments

[toujours-nigel.livejournal.com]

guh.

but you knew that.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I just wrote another one.


*hides face while whispering* Reg catches Sirius and Remus

[toujours-nigel.livejournal.com]

Have I told you that I love your brain?

because i so do.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

First slash fic and you go for the full package. *g*

No need to be nervous. Writing is about learning and getting better, not about being perfect. *hugs*

I think that you've captured Sirius's cheekiness and Remus's shyness very nicely. I also liked how comfortable they were around each other. You've made their sexual encounter about their relationship and not the other way around.

Typo alert: it should be "And then it's not Sirius' mouth" instead of "its".

If you are interested in more detailed concrit, please let me know.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This is based off a relationship I rp, and is the culmination of a scene that we opted not to play out. Of course then it bugged me what happened and now I know. :)

I welcome any and all concrit. I have never studied writing, so everything I put out there is essentially my learning process on display. I just love to read about and explore Sirius in my writing. I am a wee bit in love.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

I think love is a very good motivation to start exploring a character, because when you love someone, you want to be close to them. And to write well means first of all to be close to your characters.

Bit of concrit: The use of "he" when James was mentioned for the first time confused me, because I didn't read the summary. It would have been easier with a name.

Reading the story again, I have to tell you that I really like how Sirius playfully controls the situation. And Remus answer in the end is just perfect, because he makes it clear that this dynamic they shared in bed won't spread over into their daily interactions.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius is more experienced here sexually, so he provides a safe atmosphere for Remus to experience something he wouldn't allow himself to otherwise. He would tell himself it was wrong but Sirius is not negotiating. He's going off observation and making these natural urges and inclinations ok... and yeah, while being insufferably smug about it but that's my Sirius, lol.

[ilexx.livejournal.com]

This was well written. You always do a great job of injecting the characters' personalities and dynamics into even a tiny snapshot.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Eeeekkkk! I didn't think I would be able to write slash and now...


slashy voices won't shut up.

*ducks*

[ilexx.livejournal.com]

well dear, there's a difference between writers block and simply changing your interest. ;p i'm sure it also helps to have fresh new encouragement too, not to mention slashy sirius will always have a much wider fanbase than het. you go on w/your bad self.

that being said you know i'll always love you but this really just isn't my cup of tea, and i'll probably not be reading it much. I think remus for me is much like harry or ron in that most of the time, any sex scenes w/ the het or slash make me feel vaguely nauseated, and james is a bit sacred so i'm picky there. sorry *sheepish* but yeh- best luck w/your new stuff!

[ghostgum]

A Remus who likes to be watched?

...works for me. *grins*

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

There has been a lot of hand holding which led up to this. The girl who plays Remus in the RP told me that in fanfiction Remus is often depicted as an exhibitionist. We chose not to play this scene out, opting to fade to black instead but what happens is Sirius has been gone for a week, he and Remus see each other and go at it, effectively outing themselves to poor James who didn't know, didn't really want to know and certainly doesn't want to watch this, lol.

[duck-or-rabbit.livejournal.com]

Oh, I think this is really, really lovely. Honestly. I know you've written the boys having each other off, but within that context Remus and Sirius seem connected and whole. What I enjoy about this pairing is the palling-up that occurs between them as mates and the intimacy they can find in their own unique manner, and I think that spirit is completely here. For example:

"That turned you on, didn't it?" asks Sirius. His breath warms the tip of Remus' cock.

"What?" replies Remus, dazed, hard and not really up for conversation. Damn Sirius and his teasing.

Wonderful job, :D.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Your reviews have always been valuable to me. I had no idea this dynamic would be so much fun to play with. Because they are still boys, so the wee bit of emasculation that occurs when I write Sirius with Hermione has no place here. They are part of a pack of boys that so there is no need for Sirius to gentle or civilize himself to be an acceptable beau. It IS still his mate despite what they are doing together. Its lots of fun as a writer to explore him in this freer setting.

Thank you for giving this a read and leaving me some thoughts. It is appreciated.

[snapini.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, it was you who wrote this? Definitely no need to be nervous about posting, this was wonderful.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Guilty. I deleted i_cannot_slash after mulling it all over. I want all my writing to be in one journal.

Thanks for commenting again. That's very sweet of you.

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

*faints* Very hot.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[ladyannikaa.livejournal.com]

first slash?!? *awed*

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Oh, please don't be. I've been writing smut for awhile. Just not slash.

EDIT: Didn't mean to be ungracious. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[brighty18.livejournal.com]

Delicious! Remus getting off on being watched? Mmmm...

Sirius drops his playful demeanor behind the close of curtain and is an earnest, heated lover. Uncertainty never plays a role.
That feels so real to me!

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

Well, I'll be honest, as a sexual being I don't have a well formed opinion of Remus. I was chatting with the girl who plays Remus and she said in ff he is often portrayed as an exhibitionist. My reaction was sort of wow... Remus. Who knew? The idea stuck apparently and now Remus is evolving in my head as someone with a lot of sexual kinks. I always thought that would be Sirius for me but he's just sort of open minded, and you know... he like's to get off.

Hmm...

/babble

[brighty18.livejournal.com]

There is an idea that beneath Remus' essentially quiet, sensible demeanor, lies a total perv. And that's a perv in a good way. You know, the wolf. Exhibitionism, etc. is a big part of that.

[ceredwensirius.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Wow. Well, go Remus. I've only reasd a handful of R/S. I've no idea which way the tastes run in this ship and really, and I think I'm writing him so I can get him out of my head. I dount if my interpretations will match up with what the ship wants. It has been fun. There is something a little freer about writing two men than a man and a woman (or it could be Hermione). The differences have been interesting.

[disby.livejournal.com]

I do hope you get to read this...it's been a while after all!

Just wanted my scrap to be a part of your first non SB/HG fic especially an S/R fic!

It was the first kind of fanfiction that I stumbled upon and it will always hold a place in my heart for that very reason....I still remember being petrified by my very first slash drabble.... how can anybody think they're gay??!?!??

I've only ever read S/R fics in the slash section....believe it or not because I couldn't begin to picture him with another woman....!!!
Since Remus and Hermione are somewhat alike and their almost uncanny resemblance to yours truly I'll always enjoy reading those fics....

Congratulations again!!!:)