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Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter or any of the characters, I just like to play with them
Consequences
Sirius quietly entered Dumbledore’s hospital room and conjured a chair to sit in. There were no visitors and Dumbledore was awake, his intelligent, knowing eyes observing him with interest. Sirius closed the door with a soft click, he wanted privacy for this.
When Snape arrived to treat Hermione each day Sirius slipped out of the room to give him space to work in. In the beginning it was a chair between the two rooms. It was a few days before he could bring himself to enter Dumbledore’s quarters. Now it seemed he lived between the two. It was rare that Dumbledore didn’t have visitors which suited Sirius fine. He knew that when he did find himself alone with the old man there would be a reckoning.
Dumbledore was much stronger than when he first arrived. He had been incredibly weak until just a couple of days ago. He had sustained quite a few burns from the cursed fire and his lungs had filled with smoke. Quite a bit of care was required to treat the affected skin and ease the pain in his lungs. His first few days were the worst. Sirius forced himself to listen to the incessant coughing and agonized moaning. This was his fault.
Sirius was loathe to say the words ‘I’m sorry.’ The words were ridiculous when compared to his actions. Seldom in life was an apology so inappropriate and yet so necessary. Of course, it could also be pride.
Sirius was sat a full ten minutes, ten minutes of just staring at his hands, not knowing what to say for himself. He couldn’t even bring himself to greet Dumbledore who was in this very hospital room because of his grief, his anger, his rage.
And it was all so unnecessary. Hermione was hanging on, she wasn’t well but she was proving to be made of tougher stuff than his family had anticipated.
Dumbledore coughed to get Sirius’ attention, for the first time since Sirius had walked in he raised his head. The older man was considering him thoughtfully. To Sirius it felt like a dissection. He had an impulse to flee the room but he swallowed his pride and met Dumbledore’s gaze.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Dumbledore knew why Sirius came each day, several times a day, in fact. Sirius wanted absolution. There wasn’t a student that passed through his school that he didn’t care about. While Sirius was at Hogwarts he had been a regular visitor to his office and felt he had gotten to know him better than some. The fact that Sirius over reacted really didn’t surprise him, neither did the fact that Sirius had allowed his anger to rule him. He understood Sirius because he understood children and Sirius’ behavior was childish, childish in the way that children manage their emotions.
It was little wonder that Sirius lacked in sophistication. He had only been out of school and on his own for four years before he was thrown in a cage like an animal. The dementors had taken their toll on him. What was left to return to the wizard community was raw and damaged.
These things weren’t Sirius’ fault, in fact part of the blame for Sirius’ tragedy lay at his own feet. He had given testimony that Sirius was the Potter’s Secret Keeper, his error had damned Sirius. Dumbledore was mildly amused at how every act had a way of coming back around.
Sympathy was not what Sirius needed. What he needed was a swift kick to wake him to the realities of living, realities that didn’t exist in the cage or in the over privileged world he’d been born into.
Despite all these truths, all these circumstances both horrid and advantaged; Sirius was a good man, or at the very least he possessed the crude material to become so. It was a loyal, loving heart that beat in his chest. Dumbledore did what he was best at, he looked past all the clutter and saw what could be.
“How is she?” Dumbledore had spoken to Snape yesterday about Hermione’s condition. It finally looked like she was going to make it but there was quite a bit of damage and some of it was permanent.
“Better, they say…they’ve got the curse contained. She keeps having seizures though.” For the thousandth time that day a wave of guilt coursed through Sirius.
“I spoke with Severus yesterday, he seemed to feel she would only need a few more treatments with him.” Dumbledore read the emotion on Sirius’ face. As much as he would love to tell Sirius that holding onto the guilt wouldn’t help Hermione, it was really something Sirius would have to work out on his own.
“Tomorrow is the last treatment. They think she might come around today.” Sirius played with the gold bracelet on his wrist, his birthday present from Hermione.
“Albus…I…” The words ‘I’m sorry’ sounded so hollow, how could two words make up for his actions?
“It would seem that we are treading on familiar territory.” Dumbledore drew Sirius’ attention to another time when his anger had put someone’s life in danger.
Sirius winced inwardly, remembering how hurt Remus had been. He had exposed his friend, giving little thought to the consequences for either Snape or Remus. No, that wasn’t exactly true. He knew what the consequences for Snape were which made it all the more reprehensible. The most troubling thing of all for him was that he wasn’t all that sorry. He was ashamed for what he did to Remus, certainly but never quite managed to be sorry that he had endangered Snape’s life. If he had managed to get Snape killed, who would be treating Hermione?
“You can no longer afford to behave like a hot headed teenager with hurt feelings.”
Dumbledore paused to let Sirius speak but he just sat there quietly, not meeting his eyes. Dumbledore’s eyes darkened in anger, Sirius looked like a boy suffering through a lecture, a boy who wasn’t listening and certainly not learning.
“Look at me, Sirius.” Sirius raised his head. “The events that shape other people, that force boys to become men, you missed out on all that. Your perception of the world was distorted growing up a Black and just when you were showing signs of turning into a fine man you were tossed in a cage and forgotten.”
“It is time to become that man, Sirius. You can ill afford to let your emotions run away with you. There is more than your life at stake. The girl in the next room needs to be able to depend on you.” Dumbledore paused, letting the words sink in. “So, I assume there are consequences, are you facing charges at the ministry?”
“Yeah, quite a few actually. My inquiry is today. Fortunately I’ve already served the time.” Sirius chuckled but his laughter died on his lips when he saw the look in Dumbledore’s eyes.
“It is not a laughing matter, Sirius. This is exactly what I’m talking about. The consequences for your actions are never realized by you!”
“I spent twelve years…”
“That was someone else’s crime! When have you ever had to live with the consequences of your own actions? Remus paid for your actions and Severus nearly died and what did you get? Two weeks worth of detentions that I am fairly certain you got out of. Even now, the consequences are playing out in other people’s lives to a much greater degree than in your own. It took three teams from the ministry to control the blaze, Harry lost his home and Hermione nearly lost her husband.” Sirius felt the words go through him, it had never occurred to him that he didn’t pay for his own actions. It was true though, the fall out of his poor choices was always worse in the lives of those around him.
James and Lily lost their lives because of his poor choice.
There was a soft knock at the door. Sirius was glad of it, the old man was right and he wanted to get away from so much truth. Sirius stood and opened the door, Healer Stromwell and Severus Snape entered the room. They greeted Dumbledore and then asked for a private word with Sirius.
“Where are your wife’s parents Mr. Black? We’d like to speak with all of you if we could.” Sirius sensed bad news.
“Oh, uh…well, her father had to go in to work. Her mother is with a family friend, they’re bringing all of Hermione’s things to our new house.” Hermione’s mother and Molly Weasley were at the Grangers home packing up Hermione’s belongings. It gave them something to do other than sit around and wait, it helped them to feel useful. A long recovery at home was predicted from the outset, Hermione’s mother wanted her daughter to feel comfortable in her new house. “Can I just go look in on Hermione, is she alright?”
Snape held his tongue, did Sirius not consider that his time mattered as well. Snape took valuable time out of his day to clean up Sirius’ mistake. The only part of this that made it worth while was seeing Sirius so despondent. He had wanted to snipe at his childhood enemy a thousand times but he had the respect of the hospital staff and wasn’t willing to risk it by being petty.
“We’d really like to talk to you before you go and see her, we just want to bring you up to speed before Professor Snape has to return to Hogwarts.” It sounded reasonable to Sirius and it quelled his fears that something had gone wrong. Healer Stromwell invited Snape and Sirius into her office and offered them both chairs.
“The Toujours Pur curse is designed to shut the brain down causing instant death however she didn’t actually put the ring on. It’s the only reason she’s alive.” Sirius felt a shiver go down his spine, he was going to put the ring on her finger for her. She touched it before he got the chance.
“She must have just barely touched it. I was able to keep it from spreading. Where there are still traces of it I have it contained. I think I’ll only need to see her once more.” Snape glanced at the clock on the wall and made a quiet, impatient sound.
“Mr. Black, we still have to assess what the damage is,” began Healer Stromwell. “We know that the seizures are caused by the areas that were affected. She is going to have a little trouble with her motor skills and she may suffer migraines from time to time. We feel that both of these problems will go away over time. What is harder to assess is where the permanent damage is.”
“I am fairly certain that a small section of her memory may be affected. It will be impossible to know what she lost until she wakes.” Snape would be recommending to Dumbledore that Hermione be removed from school.
“Permanent?” Sirius’ heart sunk, of all the things that made Hermione ‘Hermione’, it was her wonderful memory. It was probably her most prized possession.
“Possibly, she may get some of it back.” Snape stood up to leave. “I must be going. Hesper, it was a pleasure as always. I will see you tomorrow.” Snape inclined his head toward Sirius and then left.
“Mr. Black, why don’t you go and see your wife now.” Healer Stromwell ushered Sirius into Hermione’s room. “Just a few minutes, ok? She is going to need her rest.” She quietly closed the door, giving the couple some privacy.
Sirius entered Hermione’s room, hopeful to speak to with her, to hear her voice. She hadn’t woken the entire week, he was missing her terribly. He just wanted to see her brown eyes open and maybe even a smile on her face.
Unfortunately by the time Sirius was through with Healer Stromwell and Snape, Hermione had already fallen asleep. Sirius spent the hour or so before his inquiry just holding her hand and watching her sleep.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Sirius got out of the lifts and headed in the direction of the fireplaces so he could floo home for a quick shower before returning to St. Mungo’s. He had finished his business with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He had plead guilty to all charges and was sentenced to five years in Azkaban and fined a hefty sum. The time he had already served was applied. He hadn’t put up a fight, he just wanted to move past this so he could focus on Hermione and her recovery. A trial would just be a distraction.
Sirius heard someone calling his name, he turned around to see Rita Skeeter hurrying toward him. He paused to let her catch up with him. He was pleased to see that she was looking well, she appeared to be back to herself in typical ‘Rita’ form.
“I’m so glad I caught you, I didn’t expect the inquiry to go so quickly.” Rita straightened her glasses and took a moment to catch her breath. “So…guilty on all charges?”
“I need to get this behind me. Hermione is still in St. Mungo’s, I didn’t want to be distracted by a trial.” Sirius took a glance toward the fireplaces.
Rita put a hand on his arm to pause him. “I’ve stalled my editor but I won’t be able to keep this out of the Prophet much longer. Did you really burn Black Manor to the ground with a banned curse?” Rita was controlling the impulse to get her notepad and Quick Quotes Quill out but just barely.
Sirius heaved a sigh, he wondered why he hadn’t read anything about his outburst in the Prophet. He should have known that Rita was behind it. Negative backlash from his ill considered act wasn’t something he wanted to be bothered with. For the duration that Hermione was in St. Mungo’s they would be in the public eye, it could prove to be distraction. How to explain his actions, that was the real question.
“It’s complicated, Rita.” Sirius looked and sounded tired and worn down.
“Why don’t you do an interview with me, we can spin this in a more favorable light.” Rita loved doing stories with Sirius as it usually got her on the front page, add a blaze at the family home and well…she was drooling. “Come on, let me buy you a Butterbeer. I’ll only take fifteen minutes of your time, tops.”
Sirius took a moment to think it over, he really wanted to get back to Hermione. However it wouldn’t hurt to be in control of the direction of the story and she did say it would only take fifteen minutes. “Leakey Cauldron?”
“Lovely!” She took Sirius by the arm and together they left to do the interview.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Sirius returned from the Leakey Cauldron, he could hear voices coming from within the house. His mother-in-law and Molly Weasley were in the master bedroom arranging Hermione’s belongings. Sirius leaned into the doorframe, a wry grin on his face. Hermione wasn’t your typical frilly female, there were no unicorns or kittens littering the room for which he was thankful. He noticed with interest that Hermione liked flowers, a few new paintings graced the walls which stood in stark contrast with the otherwise masculine bedroom.
The two women were currently putting away Hermione’s summer clothes and generally finishing up the unpacking. They hadn’t noticed him yet, he cleared his throat to let them know he was there.
“Oh, hello Sirius. How did it go at the mi…er, how was your day.” Molly recovered, badly, from almost admitting where Sirius had been. They agreed to keep the burning of Black Manor from the Grangers, there was no real reason to tell them and Sirius needed to be on good terms. They would hardly approve of Sirius’ foray into arson.
“Great. I saw Ms. Skeeter and told her about my mother’s portrait. There won’t be any problems with the Prophet.” Sirius filled Molly in without tipping off Dr. Granger to any potential problems. Sirius turned to his mother-in-law. “Hello, Jean. It looks like Hermione is all set. Thanks so much for this.”
“Not at all, Sirius. The recovery is going to be difficult enough and this home isn’t quite familiar to her yet.” As soon as it became clear that Hermione was getting better Sirius sat them down and explained the curse to them fully. He finally made it plain just how serious the situation was, they knew how lucky they were not to have lost their only daughter. What was not revealed was that at least one person in the family knew of the danger while the other had blithely ignored the possibility.
“So, Jeanie…you want to go pay a visit to the hospital before you head home.” Molly Weasley found that although she was a muggle, Hermione’s mother was a delightful woman.
“Looks like were all done here. What about you Sirius? You’ve barely left the hospital, don’t you think you should take a little break?” Jean Granger noticed how worn and tired Sirius looked, as a doctor she sensed that the recovery would prove to be quite a trial. It would be better if Sirius not push himself so hard while there were other hands to help.
“I’m going to shower and wait for Harry. He and Ron are spending the weekend here so that they can spend some time with Hermione.” Sirius privately dreaded his next visit with Harry. He still had a few things to answer for to his godson. “I spoke with the healer this morning about Hermione’s condition.”
“Oh, lets go into the family room and talk about it.” They sat themselves comfortably in Sirius’ living room, Jean and Molly looked at Sirius expectantly, hoping his report held good news.
“The curse, the Toujours Pur curse affects the brain, it shuts it down. Thankfully Hermione barely touched the ring so she didn’t get a full dose. The good news is that they were able to contain the curse, it won’t spread to other areas of her brain. Its still there and probably always will be.” Jean Granger took in a sharp breath at his last statement. That meant there would be permanent, lasting damage. Molly Weasley sat quietly by as Hermione’s mother and husband discussed her fate.
“So, what are we dealing with?” Sirius suppressed a smile, he could see where Hermione got her matter of fact way of dealing with the world.
“In the short term she will have seizures, migraines and problems with her motor skills.” A look of fear passed across his mother-in-law’s face.
“And these issues will resolve over time?” There was a waver in her voice.
“Yeah and they have potions to help in her recovery.” Sirius put as much reassurance in his voice as he could muster.
Molly Weasley patted Jean Granger’s leg in comfort. “We’ll get our girl through this, Jean. You’ll see.”
“Alright, Sirius. Lets have the bad.” Jean Granger steeled herself, not knowing what to expect with a magical malady.
“Her memory will be affected, although its too soon to tell how much or what part. Now, bear in mind that this may not be permanent. Only time will tell.” Sirius couldn’t help but think that for Hermione, this would be the worst part. Knowledge and knowing was so important to his little brainiac. “There’s something I’d like you to consider and that is withdrawing Hermione from Hogwarts. She’s already missed so much, I worry that getting to class and managing her symptoms may be too difficult on her own. It doesn’t mean she can’t study for her NEWTs here. I’m turning the basement into a library for her. I’ll buy her every damn book ever published if that’s what it takes.”
Jean Granger nodded her head and let out a sigh. “We’ve been thinking pretty much the same thing. We’ll talk with her about it once she is doing a little better.” She gave Sirius a tight smile and turned to Molly Weasley. “Well then, Molly are you ready to go? Unfortunately I have to return to work tomorrow. Hazard of owning your own practice.” Jean Granger picked up her purse and turned to Molly Weasley.
“We’ll see you soon, Sirius.” Molly Weasley had chosen to avoid confronting Sirius about number twelve, Grimmauld Place for now. She knew he would be answering for it repeatedly by others and didn’t think she had anything to add. He needed support to get through this trying time which was her best way of aiding Hermione.
Sirius politely kissed his mother-in-law on the cheek and bade both ladies good bye. As soon as they were gone he stripped his clothes off and got into the shower. The hot water felt good on his tired body, he hadn’t slept in a bed of his own in a week. His muscles were sore and complaining, he was looking forward to getting Hermione home. Tomorrow would be her last treatment with Snape, he was hopeful that sometime next week he could bring his wife home.
Sirius emerged from the shower, dried himself and dressed. He hadn’t been home in three days, it felt good to be clean and in fresh clothes. Sirius thought he heard something coming from the family room and remembered that Remus was dropping by with his girlfriend and her mother. If he wasn’t mistaken he heard the sort of tight, staged whispers of people arguing who didn’t want to be over heard.
“Leave it, Andromeda! If I knew you intended to…” Remus sounded frustrated to Sirius’ ears.
“Hey, good people!” Sirius greeted his guests with a warm smile, it didn’t last though, he could tell something was wrong. Andromeda was eyeing him with ill concealed contempt, Remus was glaring at Andromeda and Tonks was looking from one to the other nervously.
Andromeda looked like she had something to say but Remus beat her to it. He asked Sirius how Hermione was doing and how he was holding up. Sirius gave them the same run down he had for Jean and Molly.
“Her memory? Like events?” Sirius could tell that this was troubling for Remus, he gave Remus a questioning look.
“Not sure,” said Sirius, cottoning on. Sirius had been so focused on Hermione’s storehouse of knowledge that he hadn’t considered that her reckoning of events might be at stake. Sirius felt a chill of foreboding.
Discussing Hermione seemed to have a softening affect on Andromeda but she still looked irritated. Sirius decided it would be best to just take the bull by the horns. “What is it ‘Dromeda?”
Andromeda was clearly surprised, she had been expecting evasive action from Sirius. “How could you not know, Sirius?”
Sirius sighed, his talk with his mother’s portrait put it all in perspective. Looking at it now it seemed rather obvious. He had been so excited by the prospect of truly making her a part of his family and thereby making his family better in the process that he hadn’t considered anything else. He was rather stunned by his own selfishness, he would probably spend the rest of his life trying to make up for it.
“It just never occurred to me. I can see it now but I hope you believe that I would never intentionally hurt her. I feel so bloody stupid and now…now…” Sirius turned away to get some control. He couldn’t stand the way that his cousin was looking at him or that he let his sorrow show through. He walked away toward the kitchen. “Anyone want a Butterbeer?”
“That’s enough!” Sirius heard Remus whisper loudly to Andromeda.
It wasn’t in the nature of Black women to let something go, though. It was in the nature of Black women to continue to twist the knife. Andromeda was no Bellatrix but the two had grown up in the same house together. There were similarities that could not be avoided.
Recognizing that things could only deteriorate Tonks decided to diffuse the situation. “Mum, why don’t we go see Hermione? Give Remus and Sirius a chance to talk.”
Andromeda looked toward the kitchen, she didn’t want to let it go, her daughter was right though. There would be no resolving this, only moving forward and living with the consequences. Andromeda nodded her head, Tonks dashed to the kitchen and gave Sirius a warm hug, knocking over a chair in the process.
Sirius chuckled at his clumsy cousin as she wrangled her stubborn mother in the direction of the fireplace.
“We’ll talk later, Sirius.” Called out Andromeda, not quite able to let the matter rest.
“You bet!” Returned Sirius deciding never to find himself alone in her company again.
Once the women had left Sirius and Remus exchanged a smile, Sirius put away the unopened Butterbeer and pulled out the firewhiskey. He and Remus relaxed in the family room, sipping whiskey and enjoying the comfortable silence.
Sirius broke out first. “Harry will be here soon. He and Ron are staying with me this weekend.”
“That was good of Minerva.” Remus decided to hang around in case he needed to referee the coming match.
“Actually, he should have been here by now. I wonder what’s keeping him.” Sirius was anxious to get back to Hermione, it had been several hours since he had seen her.
“Any idea when she’ll be coming home?” Remus was worried, very worried actually, that Hermione may have lost a good chunk of recent events. It would complicate an already complicated situation. He wanted to see her and talk to her so he could put his fears to rest.
“I’m hoping next week.” Sirius glanced at the floo wondering where in the hell Harry was.
“I wonder what she’ll do with the place?” Remus knew that Harry probably wasn’t all that late and that Sirius was just anxious and jumpy, itching to be doing something.
Sirius smiled which pleased Remus, his distraction was successful. “No idea but I can’t wait to take her shopping!” Some of the happiness from the week before crept into Sirius’ face.
Remus was about to say something but there was a noise from the fireplace and then Harry emerged. He set his duffle down and gave Remus and Sirius a tight smile. Remus braced for the coming storm. Ron came through after Harry, less gracefully with a bit more soot.
“Watch the carpet!” Sirius was a bit gruffer than he intended.
Ron nodded his head and mumbled a ‘sorry.’
“What took you two so long?” Sirius tried not to sound overly accusatory and failed miserably.
Harry jerked his head at Ron. “Ask him!”
Ron turned a bright, crimson red and looked at the floor. Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.
“Well?” Queried Sirius, his curiosity piqued.
Harry looked and Ron, he saw that his friend wasn’t going to speak so he did it for him. “Ron’s got a girlfriend.”
Remus and Sirius both let the air out and laughed lightly, a significant look passing between them. Sirius was pleased that the business of Ron fancying his wife was finally behind them.
“Well, get your things upstairs so we can get going.” There was a bite of impatience to Sirius’ tone. Ron and Harry bounded up the stairs and then back down. The house sounded like a herd of elephants had passed through for a look see.
“Ready?” Sirius wanted to get going.
“Just a moment.” Harry was nervous but he had something to say. Remus took in his breath and prepared to wade in. He couldn’t help but notice that Ron seemed a little uncomfortable as well.
Here it comes.
Sirius was bracing for this as well. He thought for a moment he might have gotten away without having to face Harry’s displeasure.
“Her-Hermione is my best friend,” Harry wasn’t sure how to say this right. “She’s like, like a sister to me.” Harry started to feel a little braver. “You’ve not been treating her right.” He looked Sirius in the eye when he said it. Sirius knew what Harry was talking about and it wasn’t just the issue with Grimmauld Place and his loss of control. He was also talking about what he and Ron had witnessed last week, just before Christmas.
Sirius could only imagine how uncomfortable and nervous this conversation was making Harry. It was with pride that he noted Harry stood up for his friends, even to him.
“I know.”
“Well,” Harry wasn’t sure what to say now. He finally decided that simple was best. “Cut it out.”
Sirius nodded, looking Harry in the eye as he did so. “Are we done, then?” He gave Harry a wry grin.
Harry smiled but it was a bit more solemn than Sirius had been. He still loved his godfather, very much but he saw him more as a man, a human being. A bit of the shine was off of Sirius for Harry and probably would be that way for a while.
One by one they each disappeared into the fireplace.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Hermione felt groggy, her head hurt and she wasn’t sure where she was. She tried to think of the last place she had been and this was certainly not it. There were people in her room but she couldn’t make out their faces. The more awake she became the more her head pounded until she couldn’t take it anymore, she let out a little moan.
She heard her mother’s voice although she couldn’t understand what she was saying. Hermione struggled to sit up, someone pushed her gently back down and then raised her head enough to pour some liquid in her mouth. The pain in her head began to subside and her brain cleared. Her vision became less blurry, she could make out the faces. She understood the words, she heard her mother tell her she was in St. Mungo’s. Hermione tried to remember what happened, she thought it must be pretty bad if she couldn’t even recall the event itself.
She looked around the room, she saw her mother and father and Mrs. Weasley. There was a woman in the garb of a healer who told Hermione that her husband was on his way. Mrs. Weasley told her how attentive her husband had been, how he had been by her side the whole week. Her mother told her how they had moved all her belongings to the new house and that she would be going home with him next week.
This time Hermione was determined to sit up, she felt gentle hands help her into a sitting position. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and then put her hand out to pause her mother.
“Mum, what are you talking about? I’m not married.”
Sirius stood in the doorway and felt his heart break all over again.
Consequences
Sirius quietly entered Dumbledore’s hospital room and conjured a chair to sit in. There were no visitors and Dumbledore was awake, his intelligent, knowing eyes observing him with interest. Sirius closed the door with a soft click, he wanted privacy for this.
When Snape arrived to treat Hermione each day Sirius slipped out of the room to give him space to work in. In the beginning it was a chair between the two rooms. It was a few days before he could bring himself to enter Dumbledore’s quarters. Now it seemed he lived between the two. It was rare that Dumbledore didn’t have visitors which suited Sirius fine. He knew that when he did find himself alone with the old man there would be a reckoning.
Dumbledore was much stronger than when he first arrived. He had been incredibly weak until just a couple of days ago. He had sustained quite a few burns from the cursed fire and his lungs had filled with smoke. Quite a bit of care was required to treat the affected skin and ease the pain in his lungs. His first few days were the worst. Sirius forced himself to listen to the incessant coughing and agonized moaning. This was his fault.
Sirius was loathe to say the words ‘I’m sorry.’ The words were ridiculous when compared to his actions. Seldom in life was an apology so inappropriate and yet so necessary. Of course, it could also be pride.
Sirius was sat a full ten minutes, ten minutes of just staring at his hands, not knowing what to say for himself. He couldn’t even bring himself to greet Dumbledore who was in this very hospital room because of his grief, his anger, his rage.
And it was all so unnecessary. Hermione was hanging on, she wasn’t well but she was proving to be made of tougher stuff than his family had anticipated.
Dumbledore coughed to get Sirius’ attention, for the first time since Sirius had walked in he raised his head. The older man was considering him thoughtfully. To Sirius it felt like a dissection. He had an impulse to flee the room but he swallowed his pride and met Dumbledore’s gaze.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Dumbledore knew why Sirius came each day, several times a day, in fact. Sirius wanted absolution. There wasn’t a student that passed through his school that he didn’t care about. While Sirius was at Hogwarts he had been a regular visitor to his office and felt he had gotten to know him better than some. The fact that Sirius over reacted really didn’t surprise him, neither did the fact that Sirius had allowed his anger to rule him. He understood Sirius because he understood children and Sirius’ behavior was childish, childish in the way that children manage their emotions.
It was little wonder that Sirius lacked in sophistication. He had only been out of school and on his own for four years before he was thrown in a cage like an animal. The dementors had taken their toll on him. What was left to return to the wizard community was raw and damaged.
These things weren’t Sirius’ fault, in fact part of the blame for Sirius’ tragedy lay at his own feet. He had given testimony that Sirius was the Potter’s Secret Keeper, his error had damned Sirius. Dumbledore was mildly amused at how every act had a way of coming back around.
Sympathy was not what Sirius needed. What he needed was a swift kick to wake him to the realities of living, realities that didn’t exist in the cage or in the over privileged world he’d been born into.
Despite all these truths, all these circumstances both horrid and advantaged; Sirius was a good man, or at the very least he possessed the crude material to become so. It was a loyal, loving heart that beat in his chest. Dumbledore did what he was best at, he looked past all the clutter and saw what could be.
“How is she?” Dumbledore had spoken to Snape yesterday about Hermione’s condition. It finally looked like she was going to make it but there was quite a bit of damage and some of it was permanent.
“Better, they say…they’ve got the curse contained. She keeps having seizures though.” For the thousandth time that day a wave of guilt coursed through Sirius.
“I spoke with Severus yesterday, he seemed to feel she would only need a few more treatments with him.” Dumbledore read the emotion on Sirius’ face. As much as he would love to tell Sirius that holding onto the guilt wouldn’t help Hermione, it was really something Sirius would have to work out on his own.
“Tomorrow is the last treatment. They think she might come around today.” Sirius played with the gold bracelet on his wrist, his birthday present from Hermione.
“Albus…I…” The words ‘I’m sorry’ sounded so hollow, how could two words make up for his actions?
“It would seem that we are treading on familiar territory.” Dumbledore drew Sirius’ attention to another time when his anger had put someone’s life in danger.
Sirius winced inwardly, remembering how hurt Remus had been. He had exposed his friend, giving little thought to the consequences for either Snape or Remus. No, that wasn’t exactly true. He knew what the consequences for Snape were which made it all the more reprehensible. The most troubling thing of all for him was that he wasn’t all that sorry. He was ashamed for what he did to Remus, certainly but never quite managed to be sorry that he had endangered Snape’s life. If he had managed to get Snape killed, who would be treating Hermione?
“You can no longer afford to behave like a hot headed teenager with hurt feelings.”
Dumbledore paused to let Sirius speak but he just sat there quietly, not meeting his eyes. Dumbledore’s eyes darkened in anger, Sirius looked like a boy suffering through a lecture, a boy who wasn’t listening and certainly not learning.
“Look at me, Sirius.” Sirius raised his head. “The events that shape other people, that force boys to become men, you missed out on all that. Your perception of the world was distorted growing up a Black and just when you were showing signs of turning into a fine man you were tossed in a cage and forgotten.”
“It is time to become that man, Sirius. You can ill afford to let your emotions run away with you. There is more than your life at stake. The girl in the next room needs to be able to depend on you.” Dumbledore paused, letting the words sink in. “So, I assume there are consequences, are you facing charges at the ministry?”
“Yeah, quite a few actually. My inquiry is today. Fortunately I’ve already served the time.” Sirius chuckled but his laughter died on his lips when he saw the look in Dumbledore’s eyes.
“It is not a laughing matter, Sirius. This is exactly what I’m talking about. The consequences for your actions are never realized by you!”
“I spent twelve years…”
“That was someone else’s crime! When have you ever had to live with the consequences of your own actions? Remus paid for your actions and Severus nearly died and what did you get? Two weeks worth of detentions that I am fairly certain you got out of. Even now, the consequences are playing out in other people’s lives to a much greater degree than in your own. It took three teams from the ministry to control the blaze, Harry lost his home and Hermione nearly lost her husband.” Sirius felt the words go through him, it had never occurred to him that he didn’t pay for his own actions. It was true though, the fall out of his poor choices was always worse in the lives of those around him.
James and Lily lost their lives because of his poor choice.
There was a soft knock at the door. Sirius was glad of it, the old man was right and he wanted to get away from so much truth. Sirius stood and opened the door, Healer Stromwell and Severus Snape entered the room. They greeted Dumbledore and then asked for a private word with Sirius.
“Where are your wife’s parents Mr. Black? We’d like to speak with all of you if we could.” Sirius sensed bad news.
“Oh, uh…well, her father had to go in to work. Her mother is with a family friend, they’re bringing all of Hermione’s things to our new house.” Hermione’s mother and Molly Weasley were at the Grangers home packing up Hermione’s belongings. It gave them something to do other than sit around and wait, it helped them to feel useful. A long recovery at home was predicted from the outset, Hermione’s mother wanted her daughter to feel comfortable in her new house. “Can I just go look in on Hermione, is she alright?”
Snape held his tongue, did Sirius not consider that his time mattered as well. Snape took valuable time out of his day to clean up Sirius’ mistake. The only part of this that made it worth while was seeing Sirius so despondent. He had wanted to snipe at his childhood enemy a thousand times but he had the respect of the hospital staff and wasn’t willing to risk it by being petty.
“We’d really like to talk to you before you go and see her, we just want to bring you up to speed before Professor Snape has to return to Hogwarts.” It sounded reasonable to Sirius and it quelled his fears that something had gone wrong. Healer Stromwell invited Snape and Sirius into her office and offered them both chairs.
“The Toujours Pur curse is designed to shut the brain down causing instant death however she didn’t actually put the ring on. It’s the only reason she’s alive.” Sirius felt a shiver go down his spine, he was going to put the ring on her finger for her. She touched it before he got the chance.
“She must have just barely touched it. I was able to keep it from spreading. Where there are still traces of it I have it contained. I think I’ll only need to see her once more.” Snape glanced at the clock on the wall and made a quiet, impatient sound.
“Mr. Black, we still have to assess what the damage is,” began Healer Stromwell. “We know that the seizures are caused by the areas that were affected. She is going to have a little trouble with her motor skills and she may suffer migraines from time to time. We feel that both of these problems will go away over time. What is harder to assess is where the permanent damage is.”
“I am fairly certain that a small section of her memory may be affected. It will be impossible to know what she lost until she wakes.” Snape would be recommending to Dumbledore that Hermione be removed from school.
“Permanent?” Sirius’ heart sunk, of all the things that made Hermione ‘Hermione’, it was her wonderful memory. It was probably her most prized possession.
“Possibly, she may get some of it back.” Snape stood up to leave. “I must be going. Hesper, it was a pleasure as always. I will see you tomorrow.” Snape inclined his head toward Sirius and then left.
“Mr. Black, why don’t you go and see your wife now.” Healer Stromwell ushered Sirius into Hermione’s room. “Just a few minutes, ok? She is going to need her rest.” She quietly closed the door, giving the couple some privacy.
Sirius entered Hermione’s room, hopeful to speak to with her, to hear her voice. She hadn’t woken the entire week, he was missing her terribly. He just wanted to see her brown eyes open and maybe even a smile on her face.
Unfortunately by the time Sirius was through with Healer Stromwell and Snape, Hermione had already fallen asleep. Sirius spent the hour or so before his inquiry just holding her hand and watching her sleep.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Sirius got out of the lifts and headed in the direction of the fireplaces so he could floo home for a quick shower before returning to St. Mungo’s. He had finished his business with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He had plead guilty to all charges and was sentenced to five years in Azkaban and fined a hefty sum. The time he had already served was applied. He hadn’t put up a fight, he just wanted to move past this so he could focus on Hermione and her recovery. A trial would just be a distraction.
Sirius heard someone calling his name, he turned around to see Rita Skeeter hurrying toward him. He paused to let her catch up with him. He was pleased to see that she was looking well, she appeared to be back to herself in typical ‘Rita’ form.
“I’m so glad I caught you, I didn’t expect the inquiry to go so quickly.” Rita straightened her glasses and took a moment to catch her breath. “So…guilty on all charges?”
“I need to get this behind me. Hermione is still in St. Mungo’s, I didn’t want to be distracted by a trial.” Sirius took a glance toward the fireplaces.
Rita put a hand on his arm to pause him. “I’ve stalled my editor but I won’t be able to keep this out of the Prophet much longer. Did you really burn Black Manor to the ground with a banned curse?” Rita was controlling the impulse to get her notepad and Quick Quotes Quill out but just barely.
Sirius heaved a sigh, he wondered why he hadn’t read anything about his outburst in the Prophet. He should have known that Rita was behind it. Negative backlash from his ill considered act wasn’t something he wanted to be bothered with. For the duration that Hermione was in St. Mungo’s they would be in the public eye, it could prove to be distraction. How to explain his actions, that was the real question.
“It’s complicated, Rita.” Sirius looked and sounded tired and worn down.
“Why don’t you do an interview with me, we can spin this in a more favorable light.” Rita loved doing stories with Sirius as it usually got her on the front page, add a blaze at the family home and well…she was drooling. “Come on, let me buy you a Butterbeer. I’ll only take fifteen minutes of your time, tops.”
Sirius took a moment to think it over, he really wanted to get back to Hermione. However it wouldn’t hurt to be in control of the direction of the story and she did say it would only take fifteen minutes. “Leakey Cauldron?”
“Lovely!” She took Sirius by the arm and together they left to do the interview.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Sirius returned from the Leakey Cauldron, he could hear voices coming from within the house. His mother-in-law and Molly Weasley were in the master bedroom arranging Hermione’s belongings. Sirius leaned into the doorframe, a wry grin on his face. Hermione wasn’t your typical frilly female, there were no unicorns or kittens littering the room for which he was thankful. He noticed with interest that Hermione liked flowers, a few new paintings graced the walls which stood in stark contrast with the otherwise masculine bedroom.
The two women were currently putting away Hermione’s summer clothes and generally finishing up the unpacking. They hadn’t noticed him yet, he cleared his throat to let them know he was there.
“Oh, hello Sirius. How did it go at the mi…er, how was your day.” Molly recovered, badly, from almost admitting where Sirius had been. They agreed to keep the burning of Black Manor from the Grangers, there was no real reason to tell them and Sirius needed to be on good terms. They would hardly approve of Sirius’ foray into arson.
“Great. I saw Ms. Skeeter and told her about my mother’s portrait. There won’t be any problems with the Prophet.” Sirius filled Molly in without tipping off Dr. Granger to any potential problems. Sirius turned to his mother-in-law. “Hello, Jean. It looks like Hermione is all set. Thanks so much for this.”
“Not at all, Sirius. The recovery is going to be difficult enough and this home isn’t quite familiar to her yet.” As soon as it became clear that Hermione was getting better Sirius sat them down and explained the curse to them fully. He finally made it plain just how serious the situation was, they knew how lucky they were not to have lost their only daughter. What was not revealed was that at least one person in the family knew of the danger while the other had blithely ignored the possibility.
“So, Jeanie…you want to go pay a visit to the hospital before you head home.” Molly Weasley found that although she was a muggle, Hermione’s mother was a delightful woman.
“Looks like were all done here. What about you Sirius? You’ve barely left the hospital, don’t you think you should take a little break?” Jean Granger noticed how worn and tired Sirius looked, as a doctor she sensed that the recovery would prove to be quite a trial. It would be better if Sirius not push himself so hard while there were other hands to help.
“I’m going to shower and wait for Harry. He and Ron are spending the weekend here so that they can spend some time with Hermione.” Sirius privately dreaded his next visit with Harry. He still had a few things to answer for to his godson. “I spoke with the healer this morning about Hermione’s condition.”
“Oh, lets go into the family room and talk about it.” They sat themselves comfortably in Sirius’ living room, Jean and Molly looked at Sirius expectantly, hoping his report held good news.
“The curse, the Toujours Pur curse affects the brain, it shuts it down. Thankfully Hermione barely touched the ring so she didn’t get a full dose. The good news is that they were able to contain the curse, it won’t spread to other areas of her brain. Its still there and probably always will be.” Jean Granger took in a sharp breath at his last statement. That meant there would be permanent, lasting damage. Molly Weasley sat quietly by as Hermione’s mother and husband discussed her fate.
“So, what are we dealing with?” Sirius suppressed a smile, he could see where Hermione got her matter of fact way of dealing with the world.
“In the short term she will have seizures, migraines and problems with her motor skills.” A look of fear passed across his mother-in-law’s face.
“And these issues will resolve over time?” There was a waver in her voice.
“Yeah and they have potions to help in her recovery.” Sirius put as much reassurance in his voice as he could muster.
Molly Weasley patted Jean Granger’s leg in comfort. “We’ll get our girl through this, Jean. You’ll see.”
“Alright, Sirius. Lets have the bad.” Jean Granger steeled herself, not knowing what to expect with a magical malady.
“Her memory will be affected, although its too soon to tell how much or what part. Now, bear in mind that this may not be permanent. Only time will tell.” Sirius couldn’t help but think that for Hermione, this would be the worst part. Knowledge and knowing was so important to his little brainiac. “There’s something I’d like you to consider and that is withdrawing Hermione from Hogwarts. She’s already missed so much, I worry that getting to class and managing her symptoms may be too difficult on her own. It doesn’t mean she can’t study for her NEWTs here. I’m turning the basement into a library for her. I’ll buy her every damn book ever published if that’s what it takes.”
Jean Granger nodded her head and let out a sigh. “We’ve been thinking pretty much the same thing. We’ll talk with her about it once she is doing a little better.” She gave Sirius a tight smile and turned to Molly Weasley. “Well then, Molly are you ready to go? Unfortunately I have to return to work tomorrow. Hazard of owning your own practice.” Jean Granger picked up her purse and turned to Molly Weasley.
“We’ll see you soon, Sirius.” Molly Weasley had chosen to avoid confronting Sirius about number twelve, Grimmauld Place for now. She knew he would be answering for it repeatedly by others and didn’t think she had anything to add. He needed support to get through this trying time which was her best way of aiding Hermione.
Sirius politely kissed his mother-in-law on the cheek and bade both ladies good bye. As soon as they were gone he stripped his clothes off and got into the shower. The hot water felt good on his tired body, he hadn’t slept in a bed of his own in a week. His muscles were sore and complaining, he was looking forward to getting Hermione home. Tomorrow would be her last treatment with Snape, he was hopeful that sometime next week he could bring his wife home.
Sirius emerged from the shower, dried himself and dressed. He hadn’t been home in three days, it felt good to be clean and in fresh clothes. Sirius thought he heard something coming from the family room and remembered that Remus was dropping by with his girlfriend and her mother. If he wasn’t mistaken he heard the sort of tight, staged whispers of people arguing who didn’t want to be over heard.
“Leave it, Andromeda! If I knew you intended to…” Remus sounded frustrated to Sirius’ ears.
“Hey, good people!” Sirius greeted his guests with a warm smile, it didn’t last though, he could tell something was wrong. Andromeda was eyeing him with ill concealed contempt, Remus was glaring at Andromeda and Tonks was looking from one to the other nervously.
Andromeda looked like she had something to say but Remus beat her to it. He asked Sirius how Hermione was doing and how he was holding up. Sirius gave them the same run down he had for Jean and Molly.
“Her memory? Like events?” Sirius could tell that this was troubling for Remus, he gave Remus a questioning look.
“Not sure,” said Sirius, cottoning on. Sirius had been so focused on Hermione’s storehouse of knowledge that he hadn’t considered that her reckoning of events might be at stake. Sirius felt a chill of foreboding.
Discussing Hermione seemed to have a softening affect on Andromeda but she still looked irritated. Sirius decided it would be best to just take the bull by the horns. “What is it ‘Dromeda?”
Andromeda was clearly surprised, she had been expecting evasive action from Sirius. “How could you not know, Sirius?”
Sirius sighed, his talk with his mother’s portrait put it all in perspective. Looking at it now it seemed rather obvious. He had been so excited by the prospect of truly making her a part of his family and thereby making his family better in the process that he hadn’t considered anything else. He was rather stunned by his own selfishness, he would probably spend the rest of his life trying to make up for it.
“It just never occurred to me. I can see it now but I hope you believe that I would never intentionally hurt her. I feel so bloody stupid and now…now…” Sirius turned away to get some control. He couldn’t stand the way that his cousin was looking at him or that he let his sorrow show through. He walked away toward the kitchen. “Anyone want a Butterbeer?”
“That’s enough!” Sirius heard Remus whisper loudly to Andromeda.
It wasn’t in the nature of Black women to let something go, though. It was in the nature of Black women to continue to twist the knife. Andromeda was no Bellatrix but the two had grown up in the same house together. There were similarities that could not be avoided.
Recognizing that things could only deteriorate Tonks decided to diffuse the situation. “Mum, why don’t we go see Hermione? Give Remus and Sirius a chance to talk.”
Andromeda looked toward the kitchen, she didn’t want to let it go, her daughter was right though. There would be no resolving this, only moving forward and living with the consequences. Andromeda nodded her head, Tonks dashed to the kitchen and gave Sirius a warm hug, knocking over a chair in the process.
Sirius chuckled at his clumsy cousin as she wrangled her stubborn mother in the direction of the fireplace.
“We’ll talk later, Sirius.” Called out Andromeda, not quite able to let the matter rest.
“You bet!” Returned Sirius deciding never to find himself alone in her company again.
Once the women had left Sirius and Remus exchanged a smile, Sirius put away the unopened Butterbeer and pulled out the firewhiskey. He and Remus relaxed in the family room, sipping whiskey and enjoying the comfortable silence.
Sirius broke out first. “Harry will be here soon. He and Ron are staying with me this weekend.”
“That was good of Minerva.” Remus decided to hang around in case he needed to referee the coming match.
“Actually, he should have been here by now. I wonder what’s keeping him.” Sirius was anxious to get back to Hermione, it had been several hours since he had seen her.
“Any idea when she’ll be coming home?” Remus was worried, very worried actually, that Hermione may have lost a good chunk of recent events. It would complicate an already complicated situation. He wanted to see her and talk to her so he could put his fears to rest.
“I’m hoping next week.” Sirius glanced at the floo wondering where in the hell Harry was.
“I wonder what she’ll do with the place?” Remus knew that Harry probably wasn’t all that late and that Sirius was just anxious and jumpy, itching to be doing something.
Sirius smiled which pleased Remus, his distraction was successful. “No idea but I can’t wait to take her shopping!” Some of the happiness from the week before crept into Sirius’ face.
Remus was about to say something but there was a noise from the fireplace and then Harry emerged. He set his duffle down and gave Remus and Sirius a tight smile. Remus braced for the coming storm. Ron came through after Harry, less gracefully with a bit more soot.
“Watch the carpet!” Sirius was a bit gruffer than he intended.
Ron nodded his head and mumbled a ‘sorry.’
“What took you two so long?” Sirius tried not to sound overly accusatory and failed miserably.
Harry jerked his head at Ron. “Ask him!”
Ron turned a bright, crimson red and looked at the floor. Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.
“Well?” Queried Sirius, his curiosity piqued.
Harry looked and Ron, he saw that his friend wasn’t going to speak so he did it for him. “Ron’s got a girlfriend.”
Remus and Sirius both let the air out and laughed lightly, a significant look passing between them. Sirius was pleased that the business of Ron fancying his wife was finally behind them.
“Well, get your things upstairs so we can get going.” There was a bite of impatience to Sirius’ tone. Ron and Harry bounded up the stairs and then back down. The house sounded like a herd of elephants had passed through for a look see.
“Ready?” Sirius wanted to get going.
“Just a moment.” Harry was nervous but he had something to say. Remus took in his breath and prepared to wade in. He couldn’t help but notice that Ron seemed a little uncomfortable as well.
Here it comes.
Sirius was bracing for this as well. He thought for a moment he might have gotten away without having to face Harry’s displeasure.
“Her-Hermione is my best friend,” Harry wasn’t sure how to say this right. “She’s like, like a sister to me.” Harry started to feel a little braver. “You’ve not been treating her right.” He looked Sirius in the eye when he said it. Sirius knew what Harry was talking about and it wasn’t just the issue with Grimmauld Place and his loss of control. He was also talking about what he and Ron had witnessed last week, just before Christmas.
Sirius could only imagine how uncomfortable and nervous this conversation was making Harry. It was with pride that he noted Harry stood up for his friends, even to him.
“I know.”
“Well,” Harry wasn’t sure what to say now. He finally decided that simple was best. “Cut it out.”
Sirius nodded, looking Harry in the eye as he did so. “Are we done, then?” He gave Harry a wry grin.
Harry smiled but it was a bit more solemn than Sirius had been. He still loved his godfather, very much but he saw him more as a man, a human being. A bit of the shine was off of Sirius for Harry and probably would be that way for a while.
One by one they each disappeared into the fireplace.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Hermione felt groggy, her head hurt and she wasn’t sure where she was. She tried to think of the last place she had been and this was certainly not it. There were people in her room but she couldn’t make out their faces. The more awake she became the more her head pounded until she couldn’t take it anymore, she let out a little moan.
She heard her mother’s voice although she couldn’t understand what she was saying. Hermione struggled to sit up, someone pushed her gently back down and then raised her head enough to pour some liquid in her mouth. The pain in her head began to subside and her brain cleared. Her vision became less blurry, she could make out the faces. She understood the words, she heard her mother tell her she was in St. Mungo’s. Hermione tried to remember what happened, she thought it must be pretty bad if she couldn’t even recall the event itself.
She looked around the room, she saw her mother and father and Mrs. Weasley. There was a woman in the garb of a healer who told Hermione that her husband was on his way. Mrs. Weasley told her how attentive her husband had been, how he had been by her side the whole week. Her mother told her how they had moved all her belongings to the new house and that she would be going home with him next week.
This time Hermione was determined to sit up, she felt gentle hands help her into a sitting position. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and then put her hand out to pause her mother.
“Mum, what are you talking about? I’m not married.”
Sirius stood in the doorway and felt his heart break all over again.
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(P.S. This is a very distracting story. I'm SUPPOSED to be studying. Humph.)
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Oh, and...STUDY! The story will still be here! :)
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And I'm so happy that I can read the next chapter.... :D Great chapters so far...