Title: And Many Happy Returns
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: oral sex, masturbation
Genre(s): Drama, Romance
Word Count: ~5,223
Summary: Sirius has a choice to make, his love for Remus tips the scales.
Prompt: Pink: Sexuality/Love
Author's Note: Boy did this not want to get written. I managed to bludgeon it into submission with the help of my betas![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sabriel75 and ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whitmans_kiss. Thank you ladies so very much. According to the lexicon, Sirius leaves home first, and then the Prank happens. This takes place before all of that.
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: oral sex, masturbation
Genre(s): Drama, Romance
Word Count: ~5,223
Summary: Sirius has a choice to make, his love for Remus tips the scales.
Prompt: Pink: Sexuality/Love
Author's Note: Boy did this not want to get written. I managed to bludgeon it into submission with the help of my betas
sabriel75 and whitmans_kiss. Thank you ladies so very much. According to the lexicon, Sirius leaves home first, and then the Prank happens. This takes place before all of that. Spent leaves, all saffron hued and sad, crunch quietly beneath the worn leather of too-tight shoes as Remus kicks around by the border of the Forest. Occasionally, he lets his eyes stray into the darkness as though there was something to see, which there wasn't, not this close to the border. He is here to think, make sense of all that doesn't. At King's Cross, his jubilant smile at seeing smooth, ebony tresses framing a pale and handsome face had been met with furtive eyes that wouldn't meet his own.
There was no mask for the guilt and anger on Sirius' aristocratic face as he turned to stalk away, kicking over a rubbish bin and scaring a cluster of second years. James had hurried to keep up with Sirius, throwing a sad smile over his shoulder to Remus as he went. The ride back to school had been tense and unnaturally quiet, both black haired boys subdued and melancholy with no explanation forthcoming. Remus' prefect rounds, normally an annoyance, came as something of a relief.
He had only just seen Sirius not two weeks ago over the holidays, all filled with kissing and touching and before the holidays were over, first forays into sex. The intimacy had been real, caught in their own private bubble while dusting off the indulgent, cheeky grins from James. Now, just as it seemed he had Sirius, the other boy slipped out of his grasp just as easily and with no answers for what had changed.
A low branch ghosts over his hair because he is not watching, and suddenly he is showered in soft leathery yellow as leaves fall silent around his feet.
Remus sighs and looks at them in sympathy; he understands completely. The joy and energy of the summer is past and the cold death of the season approaches like a stalking panther. He supposes he must prepare himself, if this is how it is to be, though he truly does not understand. Like the leaves, he will fall away, pass into the obscurity of affections past and try to move forward, try to be hopeful that if nothing else their friendship will survive the inevitable awkwardness.
“Damn it,” he mutters quietly. What the hell had happened? There was nothing that he could point to. James knew about them, of course, Peter knew - hell, even Lily knew. Why had Sirius changed his mind? What could Remus have possibly done? Things were perfect over the summer.
An impossible ache of longing and confusion burns brightly in his gut. He still craves Sirius Black, that lovely, ferocious blend of man and boy makes him feel hungry in ways that are fresh and raw.
Kicking at the leaves at his feet, Remus turns off the path, heading now up toward the castle. He deserves an answer at the very least; they have been friends long enough, been through enough to demand that much respect. If nothing else, Remus Lupin will be seen and heard.
*
As something bright and red bobs down and then pops up again, Remus purses his lips in puzzlement until he sees that it is Lily negotiating the small hillocks between them. She gains the hill, standing atop its crest, red hair blowing in the crisp wind like a warning. Raising a hand in greeting she waves to him, proving herself an obstacle between himself and his goal.
He waves back and passes under the apple trees, now partially bare and no longer green, some forgotten fruit still weighing a branch here and there. Lily smiles at him, but as he comes closer he can see there is something guarded in her expression. Wonderful, he thinks, so she is in on it as well. Is he the only one who doesn't know what has happened?
“Remus,” she says warmly as he nears. “James said I might be able to find you out here.”
“He would know,” replies Remus quietly. He searches her eyes for a moment and the guarded expression slips into pity and then flickers back to guarded. This has the potential to become very, very annoying.
“I was wondering what you thought about a Hogwarts choir,” says Lily, looking away. “I can't get those two lazy arses interested in it, but I was hoping you might help me get one started.”
So this is how it will be? They've sent Lily with a suitable distraction for him, have they? Well, he won't play along. He wants his answers, and at the very least he will ask, though he is starting to doubt whether he will ever learn the truth.
“I think it's a lovely idea, Lily, but I don't sing,” he replies. He looks away from her, afraid he will see pity once more.
“Maybe just help me organize it, then,” she presses, and then lays a hand on his arm.
Remus looks at her quietly, the question he wants to ask burning in his mouth like a brand, though he won't ask it. There is only one person he wants to hear any answers from.
“Let me think on it,” he says finally. He supposes that he appreciates the gesture, that she desires to ease his loss and confusion. It's not empty but full of friendship and concern, though it is also not enough and offers nothing of the closure he desires.
“I suppose that will do for now,” replies Lily. With her hand still on his arm she turns them both and they continue on to the castle.
*
Before Remus can open the castle doors, it opens from the inside to reveal Madam Pomfrey. She is wearing a soft frown, her brows dipping down. Remus looks up into the autumnal sky and sees the low position of the sun. Lily smiles at him and pats his arm.
“I'll see you later, Remus,” she says softly and then bounces up on the balls of her feet to give him a quiet kiss on the cheek.
Damn it, he thinks. In his confusion and upset he had entirely forgotten about the full moon being tonight.
“See you later, then,” he replies. She slips into the castle, probably to report back to Sirius and James.
“Come along, dear,” says Pomfrey, her tone understanding and patient as always. As always, it irritates him just a little, even as he feels a wave of gratitude for never judging him for what he is.
When they reach the Whomping Willow, she flicks her wand at the knot and the tree stills. Once inside, she waits for him as he undresses, offering him the privacy he requires. Peeping around from behind the door, he hands her his clothes. Their eyes meet and as always, she raises her hand and touches his cheek in a gesture that is almost motherly. Then, without a word, she leaves him to his sorry fate.
The world darkens, the shadows creep and lengthen and then ultimately overtake the shack entirely. There is a scuttle from a few floors below and Remus knows his friends have arrived, breathing a sigh he didn't realize he was holding. With all of the strangeness between himself and Sirius, he had worried that maybe he would have to face this moon alone. He is glad to be proven wrong.
The moon breaks over the mountains before he sees their faces; Remus screams in pain and then soon after his mind is no longer his own. The hours in between are largely lost to him, though he sometimes gains fleeting memories of romping through the undergrowth and chasing after small game with Padfoot.
When the dawn leaks in through the worn slats, he blinks his eyes open and sees Sirius there. Just like always, he is stroking Remus' hair quite gently and humming some silly, soothing little tune. Their eyes meet and Remus sees all of the love he thought he had the right to expect. He is instantly confused, and it must show on his face because Sirius' own expression flitters into something very close to guilt and regret.
“Shh..” says Sirius. “You rest now, Moony. Just rest.”
Using what little strength he has, Remus reaches up and presses his mouth against Sirius'. He can feel a tremble coming off the other boy and it feels like a tiny victory. Remus wants to close his eyes and enjoy it, but he doesn't. Instead he watches Sirius closely, feeling smug and triumphant when Sirius loses himself in the kiss. But when he pulls away and opens his eyes and sees Remus watching him, that same look of guilt floods his expression. Remus wants to cry out, ask Sirius what the hell is this all about anyway, but is just too exhausted to form the words. The effects of the change to wolf and back, and their night-long run about the Forest drag him unwillingly into a deep and restful slumber. When he wakes in the hospital wing, the late afternoon sun through tall windows warming his bed, he is alone.
*
“Fuck you, Prongs! Don't lecture me about things you don't understand!”
Remus pauses with his hand almost touching the doorknob to the dormitory he shares with his friends. He was just now returning from the hospital wing and the discussion from inside causes him to hesitate. For a moment he feels a twinge of guilt for eavesdropping, but this passes quickly enough. Sirius and he had been fairly intimate, all but saying those three words over the summer. They both felt it, he was certain of it, but he was equally certain they weren't quite ready for that. Not yet. To return to school with thoughts full of dark corners and knowing looks from their friends, and have it all end up like this... well, that did a fair job on the guilt.
"This isn't a lecture, Padfoot. I'm telling you that avoiding Moony about this is not the answer. He has a right to know."
Remus presses close to the door, his ear singing a bit with the pain of being mashed so hard against the wood. Something smashes; the tinkling of glass explodes on the hardwood floor. James sighs wearily and mutters 'Reparo' under his breath.
“That isn't the answer either.”
“How am I supposed to tell him? How can I say that I- this whole mess, this isn't my bloody fault!”
There is a hard 'thump' and then a soft oath.
“Kicking the bed isn't going to help the situation.”
“I hate my fucking family! I hate every last one of them!”
"I've given you my thoughts on the matter.”
Remus marvels at James' patience.
"I can't do that, James. That's just asking too much of your parents.
Remus is startled by the use of James' given name and the note of despondency under the anguish.
"I disagree, and for the record, so do they."
"And what of Regulus?.”
"My parent's house is very large."
“Yeah, well, they aren't so young and having you is bad enough.”
James chuckles.
“Well at least you'd have Moony around to keep you in line.”
Remus has always liked James, really he has.
“I need to go for a run, clear my head a little.”
“Alone?”
“Yeah. Hey, will you check on Moony for me?”
“Sure, I can do that.
Trainers squeak against the floor and Remus only just has time to duck out of sight around the next landing. Wistfully he watches Sirius tear down the stairs and out of sight. He's not learned the essential problem, whatever it might be, but he knows Sirius isn't happy about it, and strangely, he feels marginally better. When he enters the dorm room, James looks unsurprised to see him, like maybe he had known Remus was listening at the door.
*
The following day in Transfiguration Sirius deliberately goads McGonagall into giving him a detention. Of all their Professors, she is the least likely to hand out detentions to either Sirius or James - at least in class. They are just too bright, too good at her chosen specialty for her to be too harsh with them. Between classes and around the school is another matter, but in class, the two best friends are golden.
Given the boldness of Sirius' cheek, Remus is honestly surprised she didn't slap him. He has absolutely no doubt that the week's worth of detention Sirius earned was in fact the goal. Not once in that class, or any other does Sirius meet Remus' eyes.
At the week's end, the avoidance is no longer merely frustrating or irritating. Remus is angry. For as long as he has been friends with Sirius, he has never been treated with so little respect. Sirius might like to tease and sometimes doesn't know where the lines are, but this is something else entirely.
So, upon walking into the library and spotting Sirius hunting down a Potions book with no James around to run interference, Remus decides to act. He walks into Sirius' aisle with a hard look on his face, startling Sirius enough to take a step backwards.
“What the hell is going on?” Remus demands.
“Don't you have choir practice with Lily?” Sirius looks away and his entire demeanor is so dismissive that Remus sees red.
“No!” he says loudly. “No, you will not put me off with some bullshit about choir practice. I want answers, Sirius-.”
“Remus,” says Sirius quietly. “Please don't do this. Just… we can't do this, all right? Let it go, please.”
“No, I won't,” replies Remus harshly. He is too angry to consider the fact that they are standing in the library, that his loud voice has attracted the attention of Madam Pince and several curious students.
“I'm sorry,” says Sirius. The honest, earnest plea is entirely lost on Remus.
“You're sorry?” he says, and jabs Sirius in the chest. “I let you …” Words suddenly fail him because he cannot bring himself to cheapen what they shared.
All the same, Sirius' eyes widen in recognition, guilt twisting his expression into something almost ugly.
“Gentlemen, is there a problem?” asks Pince.
“Yes, there is a problem!” says Remus. Both Madam Pince and Sirius look at Remus in open shock. The calm, quiet prefect has been replaced with something different altogether. He grabs Sirius by the front of his robes and pulls him through the library and out the front doors.
“I cannot believe what a fool I've allowed you to turn me into,” says Remus, still gripping Sirius' robes and dragging. The dusk is beginning to settle on the grounds, bathing the landscape in a soft white gloom. “All that time and you were just playing with me?”
Guilt paints lines in Sirius' face. He jerks away from Remus and takes off across the grounds. Remus snarls and gives chase. Sirius doesn't stop running until they reach the ghostly grey standing stones on the Hogwarts downs.
“I want answers, damn it! I deserve answers,” says Remus angrily, breathless as he catches up to the taller boy.
They are alone, with only a few calling birds to listen in and still Sirius falters, his long, shoulder-length hair ruffling lightly on the slow wind.
“Christ, Sirius, are you even my friend anymore?” Remus puts a hand out onto a stone to steady him as he gets his breathing under control.
Sirius looks up like he's been slapped.
“Fuck you, Moony! How can you even ask that?” says Sirius, objecting vehemently to the accusation.
“Very easily,” replies Remus softly, his voice pregnant with hurt.
Swiftly, Sirius pushes Remus against the stone he is leaning on, tongue aggressive and almost punishing in his mouth. He cannot help but respond to this, arms reaching around to hold Sirius close, feeling their connection burning between them, but then, just as suddenly as Sirius had pounced Remus is pushed away again.
“No! No, I can't. I won't do this to you!”
“Won't do what, Sirius?” asks Remus, anguished. “This summer… I…we… and now this. It doesn't make any sense.”
"I'm sorry," begins Sirius.
“I don't want to hear that again,” says Remus, pleading now. “I want the truth.”
"I just don't see a way around it," says Sirius, like this makes sense. "If I were older, if I had any resources of my own I-"
“See your way around what?” begs Remus. Why can't Sirius just tell him what is going on?
"I must marry," whispers Sirius. He says it so quietly, Remus almost doesn't catch it. .
"But you're gay!" he blurts out unnecessarily.
“Oh like that matters at all to my family!” snarls Sirius. “They will see me betrothed before the year is out, and wed after graduation. If I refuse they've threatened to send me to Durmstrang and away from 'subversive elements.'”
“Can't you do something?” asks Remus. His heart is pounding out a desperate tattoo as his mind flails about for some hidden solution. “Isn't there one sane member of your family who could help?”
“Andromeda's already been blasted off the tapestry and Uncle Alphard's never very far from it as well.” Sirius angrily kicks at the ground, unearthing a clod with his booted foot. “I don't have any options, Remus. There will be a Binding ceremony at Christmas, I'm just sure of it. After that I'm magically bound to this nightmare.”
“Sirius, please,” Remus pleads softly. He reaches out to Sirius who doesn't back away, doesn't refuse him, but clings to him suddenly in an embrace that feels like his whole life depends on this one touch. They kiss again, mouths, lips, moving purposefully, conveying every bit of want and love Remus remembers from the summer. Sirius pulls back, shaking, and leans his forehead against Remus'. “Please,” Remus says again, “please, Sirius, find another way. I don't want this to end.”
“There is no other way, Remus. I'm sorry, I really am, and I don't want to hurt you any more than I have to. So just… let's just leave this here, not because we want to, but because we have to.” He pulls away, and with one long, longing look back, walks back to the castle.
The only reason Remus knows he has sunk to his knees is because he can feel the cold seeping into the threadbare patches on his outer robes.
*
Two weeks later, Remus walks into the boy's bathroom and finds that Sirius is in the communal shower. Remus feels his breath catch in his throat. Sirius is naked and wet, water sluicing down his back and legs, firm buttocks bunching and releasing as he moves to get to this area or that. Remus swallows tightly. He knows he should leave, walk out of the bathroom, or better still; run. He doesn't trust himself to move in the appropriate direction, fearful if he so much as shifts one toe he will instead run straight toward what he wants. All he can manage for the moment is to stand still, back against the wall, and tremble with desire.
Sirius turns slowly and suddenly startles, surprised to find he is being watched. Remus can't take his eyes away from the wet body in front of him, the wet body that is responding to his heated gaze. When their eyes finally meet, there is a flash of guilt in Sirius' expression. Feeling despondent over their hopeless situation, Remus whimpers low in his throat and presses further still against the cold tiles to ground his emotions.
The air between them in the bathroom is so heavy and stifling that Remus feels he can hardly breathe. Maybe that is why his chest heaves as he forces a light pant through his parted lips. His eyes can't decide what to focus on, the wet body under the warm spray or the eyes that darken knowingly; soft grey bleeding out into hard pewter.
“I have to go,” says Remus. He doesn't move. He can't; his only escape for the moment is to close his eyes against the boy in front of him.
“Hey,” says Sirius quietly. It gets Remus' attention. Their eyes meet again. “Je te veux,” he whispers.
“We shouldn't,” says Remus with absolutely no conviction. His pulse quickens as Sirius takes a step toward him.
“Tu veux me baiser?” says Sirius softly. He has taken another step toward Remus. The water drips off his body and onto the tiles. He is a bloody sadist, knowing just how much Remus loves it when he seduces him in French. “Je veux te baiser.”
Remus whimpers again, only this time the reasons are entirely different. His fingers scrabble uselessly for purchase on the cold tile at his back.
Sirius lets his hand drop, fingers gliding down his chest as he moves forward and Remus' eyes follow. Long perfectly formed fingers wrap around Sirius' cock and Remus feels his heart stutter. Blood rushes low and heady as his cock fills and stretches in his trousers.
He can't draw his eyes away as Sirius strokes himself, hand following the length, twisting at the tip, and then sliding back down. Remus' fingers find their way to button on his trousers and then the zip. He reaches into his pants and pulls out his cock without even realizing what he is doing. He is too transfixed, too caught up in Sirius to consider the consequences of his actions.
Sirius hadn't been exercising much control, but here it snaps. He covers the distance between them in two long strides and Remus finds himself lost in warm, wet boy, mouth covering his and tongue searching greedily in his mouth. Sirius pushes Remus' hand out of the way and then drops to his knees before him. “Je vais te sucer, maintenant.”
“Please,” moans Remus, low and needy. He opens his stance and sighs, head tipped back on the tiles as Sirius engulfs him in his mouth. Remus turns his head down to watch; he wants to see this, wants to watch Sirius suck him off. He is gorgeous, his soaked hair and body bowed before him. Sirius' tongue is made of magic, licking and swirling, drawing Remus ever closer to the edge. He can't resist and lets his fingers roam in damp hair as Sirius rumbles out a pleased growl that vibrates around the cock in his mouth. Sirius' hand and mouth work in tandem, and Christ, Remus knows he isn't going to last. Sirius moans around his cock, masturbating as he sucks and he just looks so beautiful.
“Going to come now,” warns Remus. Sirius looks up at him, mouth so deep on his cock that his lips are buried in soft brown pubic hair. Remus sees the permission in that heated gaze and lets go. He feels the hot, wet rush explode out of his cock and pleasure slams back into his body, legs failing him as he cries out Sirius' name. As he slides down the tiles Sirius comes, dirtying his robes with ropes of white.
They breathe each other's names and kiss, huddled in a mass together on the tile floor. Remus looks up in time to see a guilty look shutter across Sirius' face that says he shouldn't have done that - or perhaps shouldn't have done that to Remus. In the long run, Remus knows, this will only make things harder.
“I-“
Remus brings his hand up to still Sirius' words. There will be no apologies, they are both complicit in this.
“I should go before James finds us,” says Remus.
Sirius nods woodenly and puts on a smile that does not meet his eyes.
*
On a stalk through the castle for the execution of some prank or other James and Sirius get separated and Remus winds up alone with him. It is two weeks on from the shower incident, and things have been tense between them. Tense in the ohgodpleaseletmesuckyourcock sort of way. None of that happens. They have been strictly hands off and now here they are, alone, in a very dark corridor.
Remus doesn't remember who moves first, all he remembers is mouths and hands and wanting. He pulls open the other's trousers, finding Sirius hard and heavy with need.
"Remus," pants Sirius. "S'not fair to you." It is not lost on Remus that Sirius does nothing to stop him. With the taste of Sirius in his mouth, the truth is that he cares very little for all of that. If his time is limited, then why shouldn't he take advantage of it? Suddenly there is a boom from another part of the castle.
"Fuck," mutters Sirius. Remus draws away as Sirius does up his trousers. They leave their corner unsatisfied. Though it is too late, the disaster serves as too strong a wakeup call for Sirius to ignore and hurries off to placate his friend. Remus follows and wonders if they won't tear each other apart before it is all over.
James, for his part, is thoroughly unimpressed that they completely forgot to do their part of the prank setup and absolutely livid with Sirius for his actions with Remus.
“You bloody well will stop mucking about with Moony,” roars James when they make it back to the dorms.
“James, it isn't his fault,” says Remus quietly. Peter watches his three friends with nervous eyes.
“Yes it is,” says James, rounding on Remus. “He is gay and is still going through with his family's mental plan for his life.”
“I don't have any fucking choice!” flares Sirius. “I'm underage and have got no gold of my own!”
“Once they set that barbaric spell there will be no going back!” shouts James. “Sirius, please, take my parents' offer!”
“I can't, I won't do that to them. They're both on in years and I just can't leave Regulus behind like that. He'll never come, Prongs, you know he won't.”
“Fine,” spits James. “But you will leave him alone.” He points to Remus.
“I don't need a guardian, James,” says Remus testily.
“The hell you don't,” replies James, “Even if it is only to protect you from yourself.”
There are many levels to that statement among these four friends, and the reminder is bitter. Remus considers it a low blow, as does Sirius. He punches his fist into a wall, denting the wood before storming out, leaving Remus and James to glare at each other.
*
After that fight, James makes sure that Remus and Sirius are never alone together, which is both annoying and heartwarming. It is difficult to avoid each other; they share a dorm and several of the same classes. Sirius, with James for a distraction, somehow manages it. Neither Remus nor Lily are impressed by this and while cooling the romantic front for Sirius and Remus was the objective, it is has the same result for Lily and James. The sheer volume of prank pulling is staggering.
This becomes ever more frustrating as the year closes fast on Christmas, and just days prior, Sirius' birthday. Remus has never gotten to wish Sirius a happy birthday on the day in question. December the twenty-first will see Sirius home for the holidays as it has every year.
On the day before he leaves for James' place where he will spend his holiday this year, Remus places a small wrapped gift on Sirius' bed, sighing quietly. It is all so bloody unfair.
*
The night of the twenty-first, Remus and James play exploding snap in the sitting room while Mrs. Potter makes dinner. Mr. Potter reads the Evening Prophet and no one speaks of the elephant in the room, Sirius Black. The Potters are elderly but very kind, and love all of James' friends. They have a special fondness for Sirius, and Remus can sense their worry and frustration.
At half past seven, there comes a faint knock at the door. Mr. Potter goes to answer, and there on the porch, soaked to the bone from the storm outside, is Sirius.
“I couldn't do it,” he croaks. It almost sounds like he is pleading for understanding, but if that is the case he has come to the wrong house. This makes perfect sense to everyone here. Mr. Potter pulls him into a warm hug, wet and all, and draws him into the house. Mrs. Potter rushes over and sets to drying him out with her wand, and much to Sirius' embarrassment, kisses his face in motherly relief.
“Dorea, he's sixteen and nearly a man,” says Mr. Potter affectionately with a wink for Sirius. “Stop fussing so, he'll never hear the end of it from his friends.”
“Oh, yes, I'm sorry, Sirius,” she says with a soppy smile. And then, because the dear thing cannot help herself, kisses his cheek again before going back to making dinner preparations. “James, set another place at the dinner table.”
“Yes, mum,” says James grinning madly at Sirius. He goes to hit him on the shoulder, but then in a rare moment of brotherly affection, pulls Sirius into a fierce hug. Remus sees the whispered words of 'thank you' on Sirius' lips. James coughs, looks away and then goes about his mother's bidding.
“I suppose I'll need to owl the Ministry,” says Mr. Potter cheerily before leaving the room for the study. As he goes, he claps his large hand on Sirius' shoulder in a fatherly gesture, giving a healthy squeeze.
Much to their surprise, Remus and Sirius find themselves alone with no chaperone. The other sits down beside Remus, close enough for their thighs to touch. He can see all the vulnerability and fear that Sirius is trying to hide. Remus snakes his arm through the crook of Sirius' elbow and takes a hold of his hand.
“How are you? Really, I mean,” asks Remus softly.
Sirius takes a shaky breath and lets the defenses in his expression fall. Instead of answering, he just shrugs. When he looks up finally, Remus can see what Sirius can't say: I didn't want to be without you. His heart soars, but now is really not the time for all of that. Right now Sirius is the littlest bit broken, and a whole lot scared, though he is loath to say so out loud.
“It will be alright, Sirius,” says Remus. There is less surety in his voice than he would prefer.
“Regulus,” says Sirius softly. “You should have seen his face, it was awful.”
“I'm so sorry, Sirius,” he replies sincerely. “They had no right, no right at all.”
“Blood purity,” says Sirius bitterly. “That poor girl, this will reflect badly on her family. It won't go well for her, you know.”
“Absolute tosh,” assures Remus firmly. “I'm sorry for the girl, but her family sounds as cracked as yours if that's the case.”
“I liked your gift,” says Sirius abruptly, changing the subject. “Thank you.”
Remus smiles then, and permits himself to do something he's never before gotten the chance.
“Happy Birthday, Sirius,” he says and leans in for a quick, soft kiss. “And many happy returns.”
*
End Notes: The French translations courtesy ofhyrmfaxe. Thank you so much hrymfaxe !!!
I want you = Je te veux
Do you want to fuck me? = Tu veux me baiser?
I want to fuck you = Je veux te baiser
I'm going to suck your cock, now = Je vais te sucer, maintenant.
There was no mask for the guilt and anger on Sirius' aristocratic face as he turned to stalk away, kicking over a rubbish bin and scaring a cluster of second years. James had hurried to keep up with Sirius, throwing a sad smile over his shoulder to Remus as he went. The ride back to school had been tense and unnaturally quiet, both black haired boys subdued and melancholy with no explanation forthcoming. Remus' prefect rounds, normally an annoyance, came as something of a relief.
He had only just seen Sirius not two weeks ago over the holidays, all filled with kissing and touching and before the holidays were over, first forays into sex. The intimacy had been real, caught in their own private bubble while dusting off the indulgent, cheeky grins from James. Now, just as it seemed he had Sirius, the other boy slipped out of his grasp just as easily and with no answers for what had changed.
A low branch ghosts over his hair because he is not watching, and suddenly he is showered in soft leathery yellow as leaves fall silent around his feet.
Remus sighs and looks at them in sympathy; he understands completely. The joy and energy of the summer is past and the cold death of the season approaches like a stalking panther. He supposes he must prepare himself, if this is how it is to be, though he truly does not understand. Like the leaves, he will fall away, pass into the obscurity of affections past and try to move forward, try to be hopeful that if nothing else their friendship will survive the inevitable awkwardness.
“Damn it,” he mutters quietly. What the hell had happened? There was nothing that he could point to. James knew about them, of course, Peter knew - hell, even Lily knew. Why had Sirius changed his mind? What could Remus have possibly done? Things were perfect over the summer.
An impossible ache of longing and confusion burns brightly in his gut. He still craves Sirius Black, that lovely, ferocious blend of man and boy makes him feel hungry in ways that are fresh and raw.
Kicking at the leaves at his feet, Remus turns off the path, heading now up toward the castle. He deserves an answer at the very least; they have been friends long enough, been through enough to demand that much respect. If nothing else, Remus Lupin will be seen and heard.
*
As something bright and red bobs down and then pops up again, Remus purses his lips in puzzlement until he sees that it is Lily negotiating the small hillocks between them. She gains the hill, standing atop its crest, red hair blowing in the crisp wind like a warning. Raising a hand in greeting she waves to him, proving herself an obstacle between himself and his goal.
He waves back and passes under the apple trees, now partially bare and no longer green, some forgotten fruit still weighing a branch here and there. Lily smiles at him, but as he comes closer he can see there is something guarded in her expression. Wonderful, he thinks, so she is in on it as well. Is he the only one who doesn't know what has happened?
“Remus,” she says warmly as he nears. “James said I might be able to find you out here.”
“He would know,” replies Remus quietly. He searches her eyes for a moment and the guarded expression slips into pity and then flickers back to guarded. This has the potential to become very, very annoying.
“I was wondering what you thought about a Hogwarts choir,” says Lily, looking away. “I can't get those two lazy arses interested in it, but I was hoping you might help me get one started.”
So this is how it will be? They've sent Lily with a suitable distraction for him, have they? Well, he won't play along. He wants his answers, and at the very least he will ask, though he is starting to doubt whether he will ever learn the truth.
“I think it's a lovely idea, Lily, but I don't sing,” he replies. He looks away from her, afraid he will see pity once more.
“Maybe just help me organize it, then,” she presses, and then lays a hand on his arm.
Remus looks at her quietly, the question he wants to ask burning in his mouth like a brand, though he won't ask it. There is only one person he wants to hear any answers from.
“Let me think on it,” he says finally. He supposes that he appreciates the gesture, that she desires to ease his loss and confusion. It's not empty but full of friendship and concern, though it is also not enough and offers nothing of the closure he desires.
“I suppose that will do for now,” replies Lily. With her hand still on his arm she turns them both and they continue on to the castle.
*
Before Remus can open the castle doors, it opens from the inside to reveal Madam Pomfrey. She is wearing a soft frown, her brows dipping down. Remus looks up into the autumnal sky and sees the low position of the sun. Lily smiles at him and pats his arm.
“I'll see you later, Remus,” she says softly and then bounces up on the balls of her feet to give him a quiet kiss on the cheek.
Damn it, he thinks. In his confusion and upset he had entirely forgotten about the full moon being tonight.
“See you later, then,” he replies. She slips into the castle, probably to report back to Sirius and James.
“Come along, dear,” says Pomfrey, her tone understanding and patient as always. As always, it irritates him just a little, even as he feels a wave of gratitude for never judging him for what he is.
When they reach the Whomping Willow, she flicks her wand at the knot and the tree stills. Once inside, she waits for him as he undresses, offering him the privacy he requires. Peeping around from behind the door, he hands her his clothes. Their eyes meet and as always, she raises her hand and touches his cheek in a gesture that is almost motherly. Then, without a word, she leaves him to his sorry fate.
The world darkens, the shadows creep and lengthen and then ultimately overtake the shack entirely. There is a scuttle from a few floors below and Remus knows his friends have arrived, breathing a sigh he didn't realize he was holding. With all of the strangeness between himself and Sirius, he had worried that maybe he would have to face this moon alone. He is glad to be proven wrong.
The moon breaks over the mountains before he sees their faces; Remus screams in pain and then soon after his mind is no longer his own. The hours in between are largely lost to him, though he sometimes gains fleeting memories of romping through the undergrowth and chasing after small game with Padfoot.
When the dawn leaks in through the worn slats, he blinks his eyes open and sees Sirius there. Just like always, he is stroking Remus' hair quite gently and humming some silly, soothing little tune. Their eyes meet and Remus sees all of the love he thought he had the right to expect. He is instantly confused, and it must show on his face because Sirius' own expression flitters into something very close to guilt and regret.
“Shh..” says Sirius. “You rest now, Moony. Just rest.”
Using what little strength he has, Remus reaches up and presses his mouth against Sirius'. He can feel a tremble coming off the other boy and it feels like a tiny victory. Remus wants to close his eyes and enjoy it, but he doesn't. Instead he watches Sirius closely, feeling smug and triumphant when Sirius loses himself in the kiss. But when he pulls away and opens his eyes and sees Remus watching him, that same look of guilt floods his expression. Remus wants to cry out, ask Sirius what the hell is this all about anyway, but is just too exhausted to form the words. The effects of the change to wolf and back, and their night-long run about the Forest drag him unwillingly into a deep and restful slumber. When he wakes in the hospital wing, the late afternoon sun through tall windows warming his bed, he is alone.
*
“Fuck you, Prongs! Don't lecture me about things you don't understand!”
Remus pauses with his hand almost touching the doorknob to the dormitory he shares with his friends. He was just now returning from the hospital wing and the discussion from inside causes him to hesitate. For a moment he feels a twinge of guilt for eavesdropping, but this passes quickly enough. Sirius and he had been fairly intimate, all but saying those three words over the summer. They both felt it, he was certain of it, but he was equally certain they weren't quite ready for that. Not yet. To return to school with thoughts full of dark corners and knowing looks from their friends, and have it all end up like this... well, that did a fair job on the guilt.
"This isn't a lecture, Padfoot. I'm telling you that avoiding Moony about this is not the answer. He has a right to know."
Remus presses close to the door, his ear singing a bit with the pain of being mashed so hard against the wood. Something smashes; the tinkling of glass explodes on the hardwood floor. James sighs wearily and mutters 'Reparo' under his breath.
“That isn't the answer either.”
“How am I supposed to tell him? How can I say that I- this whole mess, this isn't my bloody fault!”
There is a hard 'thump' and then a soft oath.
“Kicking the bed isn't going to help the situation.”
“I hate my fucking family! I hate every last one of them!”
"I've given you my thoughts on the matter.”
Remus marvels at James' patience.
"I can't do that, James. That's just asking too much of your parents.
Remus is startled by the use of James' given name and the note of despondency under the anguish.
"I disagree, and for the record, so do they."
"And what of Regulus?.”
"My parent's house is very large."
“Yeah, well, they aren't so young and having you is bad enough.”
James chuckles.
“Well at least you'd have Moony around to keep you in line.”
Remus has always liked James, really he has.
“I need to go for a run, clear my head a little.”
“Alone?”
“Yeah. Hey, will you check on Moony for me?”
“Sure, I can do that.
Trainers squeak against the floor and Remus only just has time to duck out of sight around the next landing. Wistfully he watches Sirius tear down the stairs and out of sight. He's not learned the essential problem, whatever it might be, but he knows Sirius isn't happy about it, and strangely, he feels marginally better. When he enters the dorm room, James looks unsurprised to see him, like maybe he had known Remus was listening at the door.
*
The following day in Transfiguration Sirius deliberately goads McGonagall into giving him a detention. Of all their Professors, she is the least likely to hand out detentions to either Sirius or James - at least in class. They are just too bright, too good at her chosen specialty for her to be too harsh with them. Between classes and around the school is another matter, but in class, the two best friends are golden.
Given the boldness of Sirius' cheek, Remus is honestly surprised she didn't slap him. He has absolutely no doubt that the week's worth of detention Sirius earned was in fact the goal. Not once in that class, or any other does Sirius meet Remus' eyes.
At the week's end, the avoidance is no longer merely frustrating or irritating. Remus is angry. For as long as he has been friends with Sirius, he has never been treated with so little respect. Sirius might like to tease and sometimes doesn't know where the lines are, but this is something else entirely.
So, upon walking into the library and spotting Sirius hunting down a Potions book with no James around to run interference, Remus decides to act. He walks into Sirius' aisle with a hard look on his face, startling Sirius enough to take a step backwards.
“What the hell is going on?” Remus demands.
“Don't you have choir practice with Lily?” Sirius looks away and his entire demeanor is so dismissive that Remus sees red.
“No!” he says loudly. “No, you will not put me off with some bullshit about choir practice. I want answers, Sirius-.”
“Remus,” says Sirius quietly. “Please don't do this. Just… we can't do this, all right? Let it go, please.”
“No, I won't,” replies Remus harshly. He is too angry to consider the fact that they are standing in the library, that his loud voice has attracted the attention of Madam Pince and several curious students.
“I'm sorry,” says Sirius. The honest, earnest plea is entirely lost on Remus.
“You're sorry?” he says, and jabs Sirius in the chest. “I let you …” Words suddenly fail him because he cannot bring himself to cheapen what they shared.
All the same, Sirius' eyes widen in recognition, guilt twisting his expression into something almost ugly.
“Gentlemen, is there a problem?” asks Pince.
“Yes, there is a problem!” says Remus. Both Madam Pince and Sirius look at Remus in open shock. The calm, quiet prefect has been replaced with something different altogether. He grabs Sirius by the front of his robes and pulls him through the library and out the front doors.
“I cannot believe what a fool I've allowed you to turn me into,” says Remus, still gripping Sirius' robes and dragging. The dusk is beginning to settle on the grounds, bathing the landscape in a soft white gloom. “All that time and you were just playing with me?”
Guilt paints lines in Sirius' face. He jerks away from Remus and takes off across the grounds. Remus snarls and gives chase. Sirius doesn't stop running until they reach the ghostly grey standing stones on the Hogwarts downs.
“I want answers, damn it! I deserve answers,” says Remus angrily, breathless as he catches up to the taller boy.
They are alone, with only a few calling birds to listen in and still Sirius falters, his long, shoulder-length hair ruffling lightly on the slow wind.
“Christ, Sirius, are you even my friend anymore?” Remus puts a hand out onto a stone to steady him as he gets his breathing under control.
Sirius looks up like he's been slapped.
“Fuck you, Moony! How can you even ask that?” says Sirius, objecting vehemently to the accusation.
“Very easily,” replies Remus softly, his voice pregnant with hurt.
Swiftly, Sirius pushes Remus against the stone he is leaning on, tongue aggressive and almost punishing in his mouth. He cannot help but respond to this, arms reaching around to hold Sirius close, feeling their connection burning between them, but then, just as suddenly as Sirius had pounced Remus is pushed away again.
“No! No, I can't. I won't do this to you!”
“Won't do what, Sirius?” asks Remus, anguished. “This summer… I…we… and now this. It doesn't make any sense.”
"I'm sorry," begins Sirius.
“I don't want to hear that again,” says Remus, pleading now. “I want the truth.”
"I just don't see a way around it," says Sirius, like this makes sense. "If I were older, if I had any resources of my own I-"
“See your way around what?” begs Remus. Why can't Sirius just tell him what is going on?
"I must marry," whispers Sirius. He says it so quietly, Remus almost doesn't catch it. .
"But you're gay!" he blurts out unnecessarily.
“Oh like that matters at all to my family!” snarls Sirius. “They will see me betrothed before the year is out, and wed after graduation. If I refuse they've threatened to send me to Durmstrang and away from 'subversive elements.'”
“Can't you do something?” asks Remus. His heart is pounding out a desperate tattoo as his mind flails about for some hidden solution. “Isn't there one sane member of your family who could help?”
“Andromeda's already been blasted off the tapestry and Uncle Alphard's never very far from it as well.” Sirius angrily kicks at the ground, unearthing a clod with his booted foot. “I don't have any options, Remus. There will be a Binding ceremony at Christmas, I'm just sure of it. After that I'm magically bound to this nightmare.”
“Sirius, please,” Remus pleads softly. He reaches out to Sirius who doesn't back away, doesn't refuse him, but clings to him suddenly in an embrace that feels like his whole life depends on this one touch. They kiss again, mouths, lips, moving purposefully, conveying every bit of want and love Remus remembers from the summer. Sirius pulls back, shaking, and leans his forehead against Remus'. “Please,” Remus says again, “please, Sirius, find another way. I don't want this to end.”
“There is no other way, Remus. I'm sorry, I really am, and I don't want to hurt you any more than I have to. So just… let's just leave this here, not because we want to, but because we have to.” He pulls away, and with one long, longing look back, walks back to the castle.
The only reason Remus knows he has sunk to his knees is because he can feel the cold seeping into the threadbare patches on his outer robes.
*
Two weeks later, Remus walks into the boy's bathroom and finds that Sirius is in the communal shower. Remus feels his breath catch in his throat. Sirius is naked and wet, water sluicing down his back and legs, firm buttocks bunching and releasing as he moves to get to this area or that. Remus swallows tightly. He knows he should leave, walk out of the bathroom, or better still; run. He doesn't trust himself to move in the appropriate direction, fearful if he so much as shifts one toe he will instead run straight toward what he wants. All he can manage for the moment is to stand still, back against the wall, and tremble with desire.
Sirius turns slowly and suddenly startles, surprised to find he is being watched. Remus can't take his eyes away from the wet body in front of him, the wet body that is responding to his heated gaze. When their eyes finally meet, there is a flash of guilt in Sirius' expression. Feeling despondent over their hopeless situation, Remus whimpers low in his throat and presses further still against the cold tiles to ground his emotions.
The air between them in the bathroom is so heavy and stifling that Remus feels he can hardly breathe. Maybe that is why his chest heaves as he forces a light pant through his parted lips. His eyes can't decide what to focus on, the wet body under the warm spray or the eyes that darken knowingly; soft grey bleeding out into hard pewter.
“I have to go,” says Remus. He doesn't move. He can't; his only escape for the moment is to close his eyes against the boy in front of him.
“Hey,” says Sirius quietly. It gets Remus' attention. Their eyes meet again. “Je te veux,” he whispers.
“We shouldn't,” says Remus with absolutely no conviction. His pulse quickens as Sirius takes a step toward him.
“Tu veux me baiser?” says Sirius softly. He has taken another step toward Remus. The water drips off his body and onto the tiles. He is a bloody sadist, knowing just how much Remus loves it when he seduces him in French. “Je veux te baiser.”
Remus whimpers again, only this time the reasons are entirely different. His fingers scrabble uselessly for purchase on the cold tile at his back.
Sirius lets his hand drop, fingers gliding down his chest as he moves forward and Remus' eyes follow. Long perfectly formed fingers wrap around Sirius' cock and Remus feels his heart stutter. Blood rushes low and heady as his cock fills and stretches in his trousers.
He can't draw his eyes away as Sirius strokes himself, hand following the length, twisting at the tip, and then sliding back down. Remus' fingers find their way to button on his trousers and then the zip. He reaches into his pants and pulls out his cock without even realizing what he is doing. He is too transfixed, too caught up in Sirius to consider the consequences of his actions.
Sirius hadn't been exercising much control, but here it snaps. He covers the distance between them in two long strides and Remus finds himself lost in warm, wet boy, mouth covering his and tongue searching greedily in his mouth. Sirius pushes Remus' hand out of the way and then drops to his knees before him. “Je vais te sucer, maintenant.”
“Please,” moans Remus, low and needy. He opens his stance and sighs, head tipped back on the tiles as Sirius engulfs him in his mouth. Remus turns his head down to watch; he wants to see this, wants to watch Sirius suck him off. He is gorgeous, his soaked hair and body bowed before him. Sirius' tongue is made of magic, licking and swirling, drawing Remus ever closer to the edge. He can't resist and lets his fingers roam in damp hair as Sirius rumbles out a pleased growl that vibrates around the cock in his mouth. Sirius' hand and mouth work in tandem, and Christ, Remus knows he isn't going to last. Sirius moans around his cock, masturbating as he sucks and he just looks so beautiful.
“Going to come now,” warns Remus. Sirius looks up at him, mouth so deep on his cock that his lips are buried in soft brown pubic hair. Remus sees the permission in that heated gaze and lets go. He feels the hot, wet rush explode out of his cock and pleasure slams back into his body, legs failing him as he cries out Sirius' name. As he slides down the tiles Sirius comes, dirtying his robes with ropes of white.
They breathe each other's names and kiss, huddled in a mass together on the tile floor. Remus looks up in time to see a guilty look shutter across Sirius' face that says he shouldn't have done that - or perhaps shouldn't have done that to Remus. In the long run, Remus knows, this will only make things harder.
“I-“
Remus brings his hand up to still Sirius' words. There will be no apologies, they are both complicit in this.
“I should go before James finds us,” says Remus.
Sirius nods woodenly and puts on a smile that does not meet his eyes.
*
On a stalk through the castle for the execution of some prank or other James and Sirius get separated and Remus winds up alone with him. It is two weeks on from the shower incident, and things have been tense between them. Tense in the ohgodpleaseletmesuckyourcock sort of way. None of that happens. They have been strictly hands off and now here they are, alone, in a very dark corridor.
Remus doesn't remember who moves first, all he remembers is mouths and hands and wanting. He pulls open the other's trousers, finding Sirius hard and heavy with need.
"Remus," pants Sirius. "S'not fair to you." It is not lost on Remus that Sirius does nothing to stop him. With the taste of Sirius in his mouth, the truth is that he cares very little for all of that. If his time is limited, then why shouldn't he take advantage of it? Suddenly there is a boom from another part of the castle.
"Fuck," mutters Sirius. Remus draws away as Sirius does up his trousers. They leave their corner unsatisfied. Though it is too late, the disaster serves as too strong a wakeup call for Sirius to ignore and hurries off to placate his friend. Remus follows and wonders if they won't tear each other apart before it is all over.
James, for his part, is thoroughly unimpressed that they completely forgot to do their part of the prank setup and absolutely livid with Sirius for his actions with Remus.
“You bloody well will stop mucking about with Moony,” roars James when they make it back to the dorms.
“James, it isn't his fault,” says Remus quietly. Peter watches his three friends with nervous eyes.
“Yes it is,” says James, rounding on Remus. “He is gay and is still going through with his family's mental plan for his life.”
“I don't have any fucking choice!” flares Sirius. “I'm underage and have got no gold of my own!”
“Once they set that barbaric spell there will be no going back!” shouts James. “Sirius, please, take my parents' offer!”
“I can't, I won't do that to them. They're both on in years and I just can't leave Regulus behind like that. He'll never come, Prongs, you know he won't.”
“Fine,” spits James. “But you will leave him alone.” He points to Remus.
“I don't need a guardian, James,” says Remus testily.
“The hell you don't,” replies James, “Even if it is only to protect you from yourself.”
There are many levels to that statement among these four friends, and the reminder is bitter. Remus considers it a low blow, as does Sirius. He punches his fist into a wall, denting the wood before storming out, leaving Remus and James to glare at each other.
*
After that fight, James makes sure that Remus and Sirius are never alone together, which is both annoying and heartwarming. It is difficult to avoid each other; they share a dorm and several of the same classes. Sirius, with James for a distraction, somehow manages it. Neither Remus nor Lily are impressed by this and while cooling the romantic front for Sirius and Remus was the objective, it is has the same result for Lily and James. The sheer volume of prank pulling is staggering.
This becomes ever more frustrating as the year closes fast on Christmas, and just days prior, Sirius' birthday. Remus has never gotten to wish Sirius a happy birthday on the day in question. December the twenty-first will see Sirius home for the holidays as it has every year.
On the day before he leaves for James' place where he will spend his holiday this year, Remus places a small wrapped gift on Sirius' bed, sighing quietly. It is all so bloody unfair.
*
The night of the twenty-first, Remus and James play exploding snap in the sitting room while Mrs. Potter makes dinner. Mr. Potter reads the Evening Prophet and no one speaks of the elephant in the room, Sirius Black. The Potters are elderly but very kind, and love all of James' friends. They have a special fondness for Sirius, and Remus can sense their worry and frustration.
At half past seven, there comes a faint knock at the door. Mr. Potter goes to answer, and there on the porch, soaked to the bone from the storm outside, is Sirius.
“I couldn't do it,” he croaks. It almost sounds like he is pleading for understanding, but if that is the case he has come to the wrong house. This makes perfect sense to everyone here. Mr. Potter pulls him into a warm hug, wet and all, and draws him into the house. Mrs. Potter rushes over and sets to drying him out with her wand, and much to Sirius' embarrassment, kisses his face in motherly relief.
“Dorea, he's sixteen and nearly a man,” says Mr. Potter affectionately with a wink for Sirius. “Stop fussing so, he'll never hear the end of it from his friends.”
“Oh, yes, I'm sorry, Sirius,” she says with a soppy smile. And then, because the dear thing cannot help herself, kisses his cheek again before going back to making dinner preparations. “James, set another place at the dinner table.”
“Yes, mum,” says James grinning madly at Sirius. He goes to hit him on the shoulder, but then in a rare moment of brotherly affection, pulls Sirius into a fierce hug. Remus sees the whispered words of 'thank you' on Sirius' lips. James coughs, looks away and then goes about his mother's bidding.
“I suppose I'll need to owl the Ministry,” says Mr. Potter cheerily before leaving the room for the study. As he goes, he claps his large hand on Sirius' shoulder in a fatherly gesture, giving a healthy squeeze.
Much to their surprise, Remus and Sirius find themselves alone with no chaperone. The other sits down beside Remus, close enough for their thighs to touch. He can see all the vulnerability and fear that Sirius is trying to hide. Remus snakes his arm through the crook of Sirius' elbow and takes a hold of his hand.
“How are you? Really, I mean,” asks Remus softly.
Sirius takes a shaky breath and lets the defenses in his expression fall. Instead of answering, he just shrugs. When he looks up finally, Remus can see what Sirius can't say: I didn't want to be without you. His heart soars, but now is really not the time for all of that. Right now Sirius is the littlest bit broken, and a whole lot scared, though he is loath to say so out loud.
“It will be alright, Sirius,” says Remus. There is less surety in his voice than he would prefer.
“Regulus,” says Sirius softly. “You should have seen his face, it was awful.”
“I'm so sorry, Sirius,” he replies sincerely. “They had no right, no right at all.”
“Blood purity,” says Sirius bitterly. “That poor girl, this will reflect badly on her family. It won't go well for her, you know.”
“Absolute tosh,” assures Remus firmly. “I'm sorry for the girl, but her family sounds as cracked as yours if that's the case.”
“I liked your gift,” says Sirius abruptly, changing the subject. “Thank you.”
Remus smiles then, and permits himself to do something he's never before gotten the chance.
“Happy Birthday, Sirius,” he says and leans in for a quick, soft kiss. “And many happy returns.”
*
End Notes: The French translations courtesy of
hyrmfaxe. Thank you so much hrymfaxe !!!I want you = Je te veux
Do you want to fuck me? = Tu veux me baiser?
I want to fuck you = Je veux te baiser
I'm going to suck your cock, now = Je vais te sucer, maintenant.
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From:
no subject
I loved each and every one of your characters and, again, their actions, emotions, and motivations, felt very real.
Great job.
From:
no subject
I've actually thought about this particular twist quite a bit. I don't honestly know that I could be convinced that something like this didn't push Sirius out of his home. Because he had to give up a lot and I wonder what would make him do that. The other thing I've up with is that his family possibly wanted him to be a death eater. They are so focused on purity and that wall of ancestors does say they spend a lot of time looking back, but it also heavily implies that they look forward as well.
I'm glad it felt real, that means a lot to me, and is something I strive for.
Thank you for your kind review. It is much appreciated.
From:
no subject
And this bit was beautiful too,
When he looks up finally, Remus can see what Sirius can't say: I didn't want to be without you. His heart soars, but now is really not the time for all of that.
Also, sorry for being a creeper, but who are the guys in your icon? They are the perfect Sirius and Remus :D
From:
no subject
Well, I do like my boys having trouble giving speach to their emotions. So very guilty.
The two handsome young men in the icon are Ben Barnes (Sirius) and Mathias Lauridsen (Remus). I RP Sirius at
From:
no subject
I'm in the next car (had to leave, that was so embarassing ~*_*~) still swooning. Lovely story. I love the welcome home Siriud got from the potters, it was simply perfect.
Honestly this is one of the best arranged marriage for sirius fics I've ever read.
From:
no subject
Btw 10 points for french speaking Sirius. I've always thought the black family as a whole would speak french given the family crest (that I think is on just about everything in grimmauld place) and their strict traditionalist ways.