ceredwensirius (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ceredwensirius) wrote2008-01-20 10:59 am
ceredwensirius) wrote2008-01-20 10:59 am
Entry tags:
Innocence Chapter 14
Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter or any of the characters, I just like to play with them
Retreat
The filtered light of the morning sun shone down on their sweaty bodies. Sirius posed Hermione, one leg behind to support, the other just in front, bent at a slight angle. He positioned her arms and then assumed her same pose. He caught her eye and walked deliberately and slowly through a motion and paused for her to follow suit. She did it perfectly and was pleased with his approving smile.
“The key is to know it so well that its second nature. I don’t know why they don’t teach this anymore. It can be the difference between ducking a curse and scrrrchh.” He motioned a line across his throat.
“I’ve read all about this! I think it’s fascinating! Professor Lockheart started a dueling club in our second year but he focused on spells not on the martial art itself.” She loved turning theory into the practical.
Sirius snorted. “I went to school with that idiot. Completely infatuated with himself, he was and hopeless at dueling.”
Hermione colored brightly, it didn’t go unnoticed by Sirius. He grinned and rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you fancied him?” Her inability to answer or meet his eyes encouraged him to press on. “Oh, Professor Lockheart!” He said in high falsetto with a dramatic hand to the forehead and a feigned swoon.
Annoyed, she took his unguarded stance into account and flicked her wand at him.
“Hey!” He said laughing, “Ow…that hurt!” He dropped the subject but was still rather pleased with himself, even with her well placed hex.
She didn’t trouble herself to look guilty, she met his gaze evenly with a triumphant grin. She resumed their conversation before his mock of her. “I ran across this martial art while preparing for the dueling club. I showed it to Harry during our fifth year but no one had any experience with it so he focused on wand work.”
“Do you think he’d like to learn?” Sirius’ expression was hopeful, his tone uncertain.
“Oh, yes! He’d love to!” He brightened to expectant anticipation at her words.
They had been starting their mornings like this for the last week. It had started when Hermione posed a question about their return. They both suspected that the war might be raging at home and neither liked sitting it out on the sidelines. They agreed that if they could find out for certain they would leave for home immediately. He knew he would feel a lot better if she were more prepared so they used their time to prepare for battle.
“Lets try another one, this is the last of the five basic moves I want you to learn.” He stood in front of her and performed another simple move.
Hermione copied his movement with his help and then together they practiced for about thirty minutes, running through everything he had shown her. Deciding to take a break he conjured two glasses, left them hanging in the air and then poured water from his wand into them. He handed her a glass and took one for himself. She greedily drank the cool liquid down and then vanished the glass.
“So, when do we put it together?”
“What? You mean with wands?”
“Yes! Of course, with wands!”
“Well…” A slow grin began to spread across his face. They could keep it to silly jinxes and hexes. Hermione didn’t catch his look of mischief.
“Oh, come on. Don’t start treating me like a child now.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” With dramatic flair he swept her off her feet and gave her a quick, playful kiss. “You do realize you will be going up against the Sirius Black. Could get you into trouble, little girl.” He dropped his voice rather low and slightly sinister. He spoke with mock seriousness and gave her a roguish wink.
“Oh, I think you’ll find me a match for him.” She spoke crisply while still playful. He raised his eyebrows at her possible double meaning. Did she suspect what was in his heart? He doubted it.
“Indeed I do.” His deep baritone hovered above a whisper. He held her eyes for a long moment. Their interchange had turned from playful to emotionally charged as he was wearing his heart on his sleeve of late. He chided himself and schooled his features to something more playful, leaving Hermione feeling confused as to what had just happened.
“Sirius?”
He ignored her query. “Now,” he said smartly, deciding to pretend he hadn’t royally slipped up. “Don’t bother with any of that bowing nonsense. In a real battle no one is going to bow to you.” He assumed a starting position and waited, she stood staring at him.
“Sirius, what was that?”
“What?”
“That!”
“Hermione, I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lied convincingly, relying on arrogance. “Do you want to duel or not?” He feigned irritation and she bought it.
“Yes. Of, course.” She said with hesitancy and then stronger. “Of, course I do.” Hermione took a stand across from him. “No bowing, was it?”
“Not in the situations we’re likely to find ourselves in.” He said gravely.
“So, who goes first?”
“Whoever’s quicker.” He said, with a sly grin, twirling his wand.
Hermione clearly didn’t understand that the game was on because she took her time pulling her wand out of her shorts. She felt the force of the spell hit her but she had no idea what had happened to her. She looked up to see a rather smug Sirius. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Clearly.”
“What did you do?” She felt herself over, when she reached her hair she took in a sudden, sharp breath of air. “You didn’t!” she whispered.
“It’s not frizzy,” he said casually.
“I feel like a poodle!”
“Well, you do sort of resemble…” Her glare paused him in mid sentence. ‘Too far?’ he wondered to himself. “Finite.” Her hair fell down around her face. “You know,” he started, “your opponent most likely won’t wait for you to pull your wand.”
Hermione pulled herself up, wand firmly in hand, face set in determination. She took a stance and he followed suit. She flicked her wand, he blocked. He flicked his wand, she blocked. They danced around each other for a quarter of an hour getting nowhere. He took her slowly, building her confidence. He was genuinely impressed with her reflexes, she understood how to incorporate what he taught her over the last week with the spell work she already knew. Hermione flicked her wand once and then again and then used one of Sirius’ moves to avoid his return. Sirius blocked the first spell she sent but not the second. He grew a beard down to his feet where it curled lightly around his toes. He got tangled up in it and fell lightly to the ground. Hermione looked mighty smug.
Sirius laughed at himself as he tried to pull acres of long black hair out of his feet and legs. He finally gave up, severed it and then vanished the excess still leaving him a considerable beard. “You know,” he said pointing to his face, “All you had to do was ask.”
Hermione put out her hand to help him up, he took it and once he was on his feet he pulled her into a quick, furry kiss. The hair on his face felt odd to her, she was reminded more of his Animagus form and less of him. “I think I like your stubble a good bit more.”
“Your fault, you know.” He made a big show of preening his beard for her amusement. She laughed and then offered to braid it. He feigned mock offense, proclaiming that sort of thing was far too girly for him. They walked toward the house laughing about his new look, their training session apparently over.
They continued their routine by having lunch, their hosts were both at work so they had been left alone. After they ate Sirius told her he was going to wander about so she went and took a shower. They had found out early on in the week that they got along much better if they had a little time away from each other.
Earlier in the week
Sirius had hung around after their first training session, feeling bad about wanting to stretch his legs a little. It would mean leaving Hermione alone in a strange house in a strange country. So he sat listening to her drone on about something, he had quit paying attention ten minutes earlier. He understood the connections she was making being a rather clever wizard himself but this just wasn’t how he worked. He used the theory alright but his genius lay in the fun of trial and error. She was frantic to get in touch with home, as was he. She had an idea about a way to communicate without the use of a patronus or an owl. He had done his fair amount of research in school but she, well she was just scary. He was certain she had never read a book that she hadn’t memorized. She was worse than Remus.
Suddenly he realized he couldn’t take another minute. He stood swiftly and mumbled something about needing to move around. Hermione was surprised by the abruptness of his departure. She looked up to see him dart out the door. Her face contorted in a little frown and narrowed eyes. She wasn’t sure what she expected from him but she had hoped he would take the situation a little more seriously. She was tempted to demand that he come back and try and make himself useful.
Hermione stared at the space he had occupied only moments ago. She sat thinking, her quill tapping out an incessant beat on the parchment. Juana and Jorge had already left for work and now Sirius was off Merlin knows where. She had learned through observation that when Sirius was upset or nervous he couldn’t sit still for very long. He would suck it up when it really counted but apparently now wasn’t one of those times. She let out an irritated huff. There was nothing they could do for the time being but sit and wait. They should be working together, using the time to their advantage.
Hermione decided to take a break and see what Sirius was up to. She was still irritated that he had just run out like that. She left the Arroyo’s home and let herself wander down the unpaved road. She didn’t have long to look. She heard the sounds of a happy group of children interlaced with the barking of a dog. Hermione smiled and wondered if Sirius was the reason for the delighted sounds. She continued down the little path toward the sound, her eyes trained ahead. She wasn’t disappointed, gamboling around the legs of a dozen school aged boys was a shaggy black dog, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. He paused to sniff the wind and then looked in her direction. He started towards her, changing back into a man in midstride.
Sirius waved to the children even as they were proclaiming their disappointment.
"¡Vuelve, Perro!"
"¡No te vayas todavía!"
She caught a glimpse of his face. From a distance he looked aggravated. She watched as he pulled it into a blank expressionless mask. Now she was certain he had looked aggravated. She couldn’t believe the nerve of him, did he expect her to figure it all out by herself? She had been watching his face as he approached, she had seen him hold back anger, the control he was exerting reminded her of that.
“Are you alright? Did something happen?” His face looked a little tight and his tone was falsely even.
“What? No, Sirius I need you to come back so we can put our heads together and…”
“Hermione, I need a break from that.” There were other reasons he took some time away from her. They had never spent this much time completely alone. She’d always had another distraction or insecurity that had softened her usual personality. He was reminded of what a bossy know-it-all she really was. As she had droned on he noticed that there was something annoying about her delivery. She ran through the information with a particular air, as though she really didn’t expect him to catch on. He was rather offended by that.
“Don’t you care about getting home or do you just want to play about in paradise?”
He had lost his temper with her then. They had gotten into a magnificent row that ended with him storming off and her crying alone. There was more to his problem than just Hermione. He had made a promise to a friend and right now he felt like he was breaking that promise. Listening to Hermione fret her way through to a solution only served to highlight the fact that he was a world away from being useful to Harry. As he’d sat and listened half heartedly he felt a growing resentment toward her. It wasn’t her fault but she was the only reason he was there and not with Harry. He couldn’t dwell on this so instead he walked about.
When they made up they talked about ways to manage their time together. They had gone for a walk together along the edge of the jungle. Each of them more reasonable with the irritation out of the way. He agreed to help her with the spell, his way and she agreed to let him have some time to do as he pleased. The make up sex had been phenomenal. Not being able to wait to get home he lifted her up and fucked up against a tree.
Back to the present
Trying to solve a problem usually evened her out but now that he’d left she found she couldn’t focus. It had been like this every day. She lost herself in thought, obsessing over every detail of the last week. Normally she was perfectly happy with her thoughts to keep her company, even welcomed the solitude. Her life made so little sense at the current point in time, she was doing what she could to create order out of the chaos. Try as she might, she couldn’t train her thoughts to focus on a solution. Now that he was gone thoughts of him kept intruding, little changes she had noticed over the past two weeks. Something had changed with their near constant contact.
Hermione sighed heavily, frustrated with herself for having succumbed once again. She resolutely pushed him out of her head and focused on the situation. She couldn’t help but believe that their friends had no idea what had happened to them. Sirius had expressed misgivings about whether or not a patronus would hold its strength from as far away as Germany. He was positive it wouldn’t survive a transatlantic trip. Neither of them were willing to risk using a bird, if it were intercepted it could be used to track them on a return trip. So the question plaguing Hermione was how to communicate with home.
She worried about the fate of Harry, Ron and the Order. If Sirius was right the ministry was under the thumb of Voldemort and Azkaban no longer offered its protection from the worst of the wizarding world. What was life at Hogwarts like right now? Was Dumbledore still in charge of his school? What about muggleborn witches and wizards, how were they faring?
Hermione let out another long sigh. She felt guilty hidden away in their own little corner of paradise. She rubbed her temples against the ache in her head. She felt a little lost without her books to read or classes to attend. Their most pressing issue was survival which sounded exciting but was at the moment, a little boring. She decided to ask him next she saw him whether or not he had any ties to the wizard community in Mexico or Guatemala. The way he described it she wondered if there even was a separate community. She marveled at the idea of an integrated society, terms like muggle and pureblood would be meaningless.
Hermione had a few ideas but it was all theory, things she had pieced together, things she had run across while researching for something else. She kept having to fight the impulse to look something up, look it up where exactly?
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Sirius returned from his walk. He went looking for Hermione, finding her on the back porch. He stood hidden from her, watching her, fantasizing that what had her so captivated was him. He had thought about her on his walk, he was beginning to doubt his ability to let her go. The emotion he was grappling with was new to him, he had never experienced anything like it. He had a big heart and loved his friends fiercely but he had never been in love before. When he thought about her with someone else he felt murderous. She was sitting on the porch, romantically draped across the steps, her head leaning against a post. He heard her sigh and decided to check on her. He walked noiselessly along the porch and sat down beside her. She jumped a little at seeing him but was glad for his company.
“What were you thinking about just now?” He pushed a fallen tendril out of her eyes.
She touched his face, smiling at his lack of facial hair. She looked at him for a moment, deciding something. She was no coward and this felt important to her. “You and me.” She believed with her whole heart that the war was indeed raging at home. She also believed the light would win out over the dark. When the light won the marriage law would be repealed. She wanted to talk about what they would do.
He sat down, holding his breath. “What about you and me?”
“I think we need to talk about what we’ll do when this law is repealed, because it will be. I’m sure of that.” She had thought quite a lot about how she would feel if he was no longer hers.
“You’ve had very little in the way of options, what do you want to do?” His chest felt tight, he had just placed his heart in her hand.
She didn’t want to answer that question, not yet. She was hoping to feel him out. “You’re different this week, something is different.” She didn’t want to come straight out and tell him how she felt without some clue as to where she stood with him.
Shit! Nice one, Padfoot. Heart on your sleeve, much?
“You think so?” He said, making an attempt at casual.
“And you keep doing that.” She said with a little frown.
“Doing what?”
“Being deliberately evasive.”
He was quiet for a few moments finding the distant ocean very, very interesting. He could keep her. He knew he could and he wanted to, desperately. He felt that it would be wrong and that anything she may be feeling for him was false because it wouldn’t have happened naturally. The whole situation was forced, their lives manipulated into this. Did he really want her like this? A part of him didn’t care how he’d gotten her but his nobler side cared quite a lot.
“Sirius?”
“You and I,” he said motioning a finger between them. “We weren’t meant to be. You would have gotten together with Ron and I, well I…”
“Would have continued to be a playboy?” She supplied.
He stood up and walked around, silently cursing Molly and her mouth. “I just never found that special someone.”
“Am I special to you?” Her voice was small and soft and held just a hint of a waver.
Sirius just stared at her for a moment and then walked off. He couldn’t do this, he had to get away, get some air, some room to breath. He just left her there, sitting on the porch in bewilderment and no closer to understanding. She couldn’t believe he’d just walked off. As she watched him leave she resolved to put her mind on the case and began to analyze all the differences she had noticed in him and examined her feelings in relation to it all.
Retreat
The filtered light of the morning sun shone down on their sweaty bodies. Sirius posed Hermione, one leg behind to support, the other just in front, bent at a slight angle. He positioned her arms and then assumed her same pose. He caught her eye and walked deliberately and slowly through a motion and paused for her to follow suit. She did it perfectly and was pleased with his approving smile.
“The key is to know it so well that its second nature. I don’t know why they don’t teach this anymore. It can be the difference between ducking a curse and scrrrchh.” He motioned a line across his throat.
“I’ve read all about this! I think it’s fascinating! Professor Lockheart started a dueling club in our second year but he focused on spells not on the martial art itself.” She loved turning theory into the practical.
Sirius snorted. “I went to school with that idiot. Completely infatuated with himself, he was and hopeless at dueling.”
Hermione colored brightly, it didn’t go unnoticed by Sirius. He grinned and rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you fancied him?” Her inability to answer or meet his eyes encouraged him to press on. “Oh, Professor Lockheart!” He said in high falsetto with a dramatic hand to the forehead and a feigned swoon.
Annoyed, she took his unguarded stance into account and flicked her wand at him.
“Hey!” He said laughing, “Ow…that hurt!” He dropped the subject but was still rather pleased with himself, even with her well placed hex.
She didn’t trouble herself to look guilty, she met his gaze evenly with a triumphant grin. She resumed their conversation before his mock of her. “I ran across this martial art while preparing for the dueling club. I showed it to Harry during our fifth year but no one had any experience with it so he focused on wand work.”
“Do you think he’d like to learn?” Sirius’ expression was hopeful, his tone uncertain.
“Oh, yes! He’d love to!” He brightened to expectant anticipation at her words.
They had been starting their mornings like this for the last week. It had started when Hermione posed a question about their return. They both suspected that the war might be raging at home and neither liked sitting it out on the sidelines. They agreed that if they could find out for certain they would leave for home immediately. He knew he would feel a lot better if she were more prepared so they used their time to prepare for battle.
“Lets try another one, this is the last of the five basic moves I want you to learn.” He stood in front of her and performed another simple move.
Hermione copied his movement with his help and then together they practiced for about thirty minutes, running through everything he had shown her. Deciding to take a break he conjured two glasses, left them hanging in the air and then poured water from his wand into them. He handed her a glass and took one for himself. She greedily drank the cool liquid down and then vanished the glass.
“So, when do we put it together?”
“What? You mean with wands?”
“Yes! Of course, with wands!”
“Well…” A slow grin began to spread across his face. They could keep it to silly jinxes and hexes. Hermione didn’t catch his look of mischief.
“Oh, come on. Don’t start treating me like a child now.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” With dramatic flair he swept her off her feet and gave her a quick, playful kiss. “You do realize you will be going up against the Sirius Black. Could get you into trouble, little girl.” He dropped his voice rather low and slightly sinister. He spoke with mock seriousness and gave her a roguish wink.
“Oh, I think you’ll find me a match for him.” She spoke crisply while still playful. He raised his eyebrows at her possible double meaning. Did she suspect what was in his heart? He doubted it.
“Indeed I do.” His deep baritone hovered above a whisper. He held her eyes for a long moment. Their interchange had turned from playful to emotionally charged as he was wearing his heart on his sleeve of late. He chided himself and schooled his features to something more playful, leaving Hermione feeling confused as to what had just happened.
“Sirius?”
He ignored her query. “Now,” he said smartly, deciding to pretend he hadn’t royally slipped up. “Don’t bother with any of that bowing nonsense. In a real battle no one is going to bow to you.” He assumed a starting position and waited, she stood staring at him.
“Sirius, what was that?”
“What?”
“That!”
“Hermione, I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lied convincingly, relying on arrogance. “Do you want to duel or not?” He feigned irritation and she bought it.
“Yes. Of, course.” She said with hesitancy and then stronger. “Of, course I do.” Hermione took a stand across from him. “No bowing, was it?”
“Not in the situations we’re likely to find ourselves in.” He said gravely.
“So, who goes first?”
“Whoever’s quicker.” He said, with a sly grin, twirling his wand.
Hermione clearly didn’t understand that the game was on because she took her time pulling her wand out of her shorts. She felt the force of the spell hit her but she had no idea what had happened to her. She looked up to see a rather smug Sirius. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Clearly.”
“What did you do?” She felt herself over, when she reached her hair she took in a sudden, sharp breath of air. “You didn’t!” she whispered.
“It’s not frizzy,” he said casually.
“I feel like a poodle!”
“Well, you do sort of resemble…” Her glare paused him in mid sentence. ‘Too far?’ he wondered to himself. “Finite.” Her hair fell down around her face. “You know,” he started, “your opponent most likely won’t wait for you to pull your wand.”
Hermione pulled herself up, wand firmly in hand, face set in determination. She took a stance and he followed suit. She flicked her wand, he blocked. He flicked his wand, she blocked. They danced around each other for a quarter of an hour getting nowhere. He took her slowly, building her confidence. He was genuinely impressed with her reflexes, she understood how to incorporate what he taught her over the last week with the spell work she already knew. Hermione flicked her wand once and then again and then used one of Sirius’ moves to avoid his return. Sirius blocked the first spell she sent but not the second. He grew a beard down to his feet where it curled lightly around his toes. He got tangled up in it and fell lightly to the ground. Hermione looked mighty smug.
Sirius laughed at himself as he tried to pull acres of long black hair out of his feet and legs. He finally gave up, severed it and then vanished the excess still leaving him a considerable beard. “You know,” he said pointing to his face, “All you had to do was ask.”
Hermione put out her hand to help him up, he took it and once he was on his feet he pulled her into a quick, furry kiss. The hair on his face felt odd to her, she was reminded more of his Animagus form and less of him. “I think I like your stubble a good bit more.”
“Your fault, you know.” He made a big show of preening his beard for her amusement. She laughed and then offered to braid it. He feigned mock offense, proclaiming that sort of thing was far too girly for him. They walked toward the house laughing about his new look, their training session apparently over.
They continued their routine by having lunch, their hosts were both at work so they had been left alone. After they ate Sirius told her he was going to wander about so she went and took a shower. They had found out early on in the week that they got along much better if they had a little time away from each other.
Earlier in the week
Sirius had hung around after their first training session, feeling bad about wanting to stretch his legs a little. It would mean leaving Hermione alone in a strange house in a strange country. So he sat listening to her drone on about something, he had quit paying attention ten minutes earlier. He understood the connections she was making being a rather clever wizard himself but this just wasn’t how he worked. He used the theory alright but his genius lay in the fun of trial and error. She was frantic to get in touch with home, as was he. She had an idea about a way to communicate without the use of a patronus or an owl. He had done his fair amount of research in school but she, well she was just scary. He was certain she had never read a book that she hadn’t memorized. She was worse than Remus.
Suddenly he realized he couldn’t take another minute. He stood swiftly and mumbled something about needing to move around. Hermione was surprised by the abruptness of his departure. She looked up to see him dart out the door. Her face contorted in a little frown and narrowed eyes. She wasn’t sure what she expected from him but she had hoped he would take the situation a little more seriously. She was tempted to demand that he come back and try and make himself useful.
Hermione stared at the space he had occupied only moments ago. She sat thinking, her quill tapping out an incessant beat on the parchment. Juana and Jorge had already left for work and now Sirius was off Merlin knows where. She had learned through observation that when Sirius was upset or nervous he couldn’t sit still for very long. He would suck it up when it really counted but apparently now wasn’t one of those times. She let out an irritated huff. There was nothing they could do for the time being but sit and wait. They should be working together, using the time to their advantage.
Hermione decided to take a break and see what Sirius was up to. She was still irritated that he had just run out like that. She left the Arroyo’s home and let herself wander down the unpaved road. She didn’t have long to look. She heard the sounds of a happy group of children interlaced with the barking of a dog. Hermione smiled and wondered if Sirius was the reason for the delighted sounds. She continued down the little path toward the sound, her eyes trained ahead. She wasn’t disappointed, gamboling around the legs of a dozen school aged boys was a shaggy black dog, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. He paused to sniff the wind and then looked in her direction. He started towards her, changing back into a man in midstride.
Sirius waved to the children even as they were proclaiming their disappointment.
"¡Vuelve, Perro!"
"¡No te vayas todavía!"
She caught a glimpse of his face. From a distance he looked aggravated. She watched as he pulled it into a blank expressionless mask. Now she was certain he had looked aggravated. She couldn’t believe the nerve of him, did he expect her to figure it all out by herself? She had been watching his face as he approached, she had seen him hold back anger, the control he was exerting reminded her of that.
“Are you alright? Did something happen?” His face looked a little tight and his tone was falsely even.
“What? No, Sirius I need you to come back so we can put our heads together and…”
“Hermione, I need a break from that.” There were other reasons he took some time away from her. They had never spent this much time completely alone. She’d always had another distraction or insecurity that had softened her usual personality. He was reminded of what a bossy know-it-all she really was. As she had droned on he noticed that there was something annoying about her delivery. She ran through the information with a particular air, as though she really didn’t expect him to catch on. He was rather offended by that.
“Don’t you care about getting home or do you just want to play about in paradise?”
He had lost his temper with her then. They had gotten into a magnificent row that ended with him storming off and her crying alone. There was more to his problem than just Hermione. He had made a promise to a friend and right now he felt like he was breaking that promise. Listening to Hermione fret her way through to a solution only served to highlight the fact that he was a world away from being useful to Harry. As he’d sat and listened half heartedly he felt a growing resentment toward her. It wasn’t her fault but she was the only reason he was there and not with Harry. He couldn’t dwell on this so instead he walked about.
When they made up they talked about ways to manage their time together. They had gone for a walk together along the edge of the jungle. Each of them more reasonable with the irritation out of the way. He agreed to help her with the spell, his way and she agreed to let him have some time to do as he pleased. The make up sex had been phenomenal. Not being able to wait to get home he lifted her up and fucked up against a tree.
Back to the present
Trying to solve a problem usually evened her out but now that he’d left she found she couldn’t focus. It had been like this every day. She lost herself in thought, obsessing over every detail of the last week. Normally she was perfectly happy with her thoughts to keep her company, even welcomed the solitude. Her life made so little sense at the current point in time, she was doing what she could to create order out of the chaos. Try as she might, she couldn’t train her thoughts to focus on a solution. Now that he was gone thoughts of him kept intruding, little changes she had noticed over the past two weeks. Something had changed with their near constant contact.
Hermione sighed heavily, frustrated with herself for having succumbed once again. She resolutely pushed him out of her head and focused on the situation. She couldn’t help but believe that their friends had no idea what had happened to them. Sirius had expressed misgivings about whether or not a patronus would hold its strength from as far away as Germany. He was positive it wouldn’t survive a transatlantic trip. Neither of them were willing to risk using a bird, if it were intercepted it could be used to track them on a return trip. So the question plaguing Hermione was how to communicate with home.
She worried about the fate of Harry, Ron and the Order. If Sirius was right the ministry was under the thumb of Voldemort and Azkaban no longer offered its protection from the worst of the wizarding world. What was life at Hogwarts like right now? Was Dumbledore still in charge of his school? What about muggleborn witches and wizards, how were they faring?
Hermione let out another long sigh. She felt guilty hidden away in their own little corner of paradise. She rubbed her temples against the ache in her head. She felt a little lost without her books to read or classes to attend. Their most pressing issue was survival which sounded exciting but was at the moment, a little boring. She decided to ask him next she saw him whether or not he had any ties to the wizard community in Mexico or Guatemala. The way he described it she wondered if there even was a separate community. She marveled at the idea of an integrated society, terms like muggle and pureblood would be meaningless.
Hermione had a few ideas but it was all theory, things she had pieced together, things she had run across while researching for something else. She kept having to fight the impulse to look something up, look it up where exactly?
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Sirius returned from his walk. He went looking for Hermione, finding her on the back porch. He stood hidden from her, watching her, fantasizing that what had her so captivated was him. He had thought about her on his walk, he was beginning to doubt his ability to let her go. The emotion he was grappling with was new to him, he had never experienced anything like it. He had a big heart and loved his friends fiercely but he had never been in love before. When he thought about her with someone else he felt murderous. She was sitting on the porch, romantically draped across the steps, her head leaning against a post. He heard her sigh and decided to check on her. He walked noiselessly along the porch and sat down beside her. She jumped a little at seeing him but was glad for his company.
“What were you thinking about just now?” He pushed a fallen tendril out of her eyes.
She touched his face, smiling at his lack of facial hair. She looked at him for a moment, deciding something. She was no coward and this felt important to her. “You and me.” She believed with her whole heart that the war was indeed raging at home. She also believed the light would win out over the dark. When the light won the marriage law would be repealed. She wanted to talk about what they would do.
He sat down, holding his breath. “What about you and me?”
“I think we need to talk about what we’ll do when this law is repealed, because it will be. I’m sure of that.” She had thought quite a lot about how she would feel if he was no longer hers.
“You’ve had very little in the way of options, what do you want to do?” His chest felt tight, he had just placed his heart in her hand.
She didn’t want to answer that question, not yet. She was hoping to feel him out. “You’re different this week, something is different.” She didn’t want to come straight out and tell him how she felt without some clue as to where she stood with him.
Shit! Nice one, Padfoot. Heart on your sleeve, much?
“You think so?” He said, making an attempt at casual.
“And you keep doing that.” She said with a little frown.
“Doing what?”
“Being deliberately evasive.”
He was quiet for a few moments finding the distant ocean very, very interesting. He could keep her. He knew he could and he wanted to, desperately. He felt that it would be wrong and that anything she may be feeling for him was false because it wouldn’t have happened naturally. The whole situation was forced, their lives manipulated into this. Did he really want her like this? A part of him didn’t care how he’d gotten her but his nobler side cared quite a lot.
“Sirius?”
“You and I,” he said motioning a finger between them. “We weren’t meant to be. You would have gotten together with Ron and I, well I…”
“Would have continued to be a playboy?” She supplied.
He stood up and walked around, silently cursing Molly and her mouth. “I just never found that special someone.”
“Am I special to you?” Her voice was small and soft and held just a hint of a waver.
Sirius just stared at her for a moment and then walked off. He couldn’t do this, he had to get away, get some air, some room to breath. He just left her there, sitting on the porch in bewilderment and no closer to understanding. She couldn’t believe he’d just walked off. As she watched him leave she resolved to put her mind on the case and began to analyze all the differences she had noticed in him and examined her feelings in relation to it all.